Growing into The Mommy Life

A couple of weeks ago I ran into a former acquaintance from FC and while we were talking, she paused and asked me, "So, tell me, do you love being a mom?" and for the first time in a while I didn't hesitate to say, "Yes, I do!" I still have problems admitting that at times; there's an internal fight with the Megan of yesteryear and the Megan that I am today.  You see, it wasn't so long ago I didn't think mothering would be in the cards for me...

When I look back at my youth, I sometimes think I thought too much and I thought about all the things moms "have" to do, and to be honest, I looked at my own mom's life and thought, "Wow, everyday, it's the same thing." Not that my mom didn't do it joyfully, because to be honest, I never really saw her complain.  But it was up in the morning, getting the kids going, cleaning up the kitchen, doing laundry, paying bills, running errands, shuffling kids (I guess since we were all spaced out it wasn't always all 4 of us at once!), making dinner, cleaning the kitchen again and if she was lucky, sitting down for a minute.  As a feeble-minded youth, I just didn't see the fun in it.  And of course, I was selfish. More of self, and less of Thee.  I was immature.

And then (I know I talk about it frequently but to blog is semi-therapeutic and I'm constantly reevaluating this, since it's been the biggest catalyst in my life for change), after I realized there are a few good men out there--aside from family members and good-friends-who-were-boys that I just couldn't fathom settling down with--and Providence landed me with Greg, I figured we had a few more years before the childbearing began.  Hahahahahahaha.  God really laughed at that plan, just as he laughed at my plan to finish my grad school internship right after we got married so that we would only be a single-income family for about one college semester.  Looking back I figured there was a purpose for that setback, to not be in school full-time, or not be interning, or not be earning any real money.  I didn't know when I'd realize it or when I'd figure it out and I still don't know if I fully understand it all, but it taught me one thing.  My timing isn't always God's timing, even if it stinks.
Of course, when I did finally graduate, and got a job, and then almost immediately got pregnant, I think I really felt out-of-control.  The best laid plans oft go awry.  Could that not be a life statement for most of us??

When we lose our locus-of-control, often our "happiness" or internal contentment diminishes.  And this is what I think about often.  I didn't immediately enjoy motherhood because I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't think it was in the cards in the short-term future.  I was not in control.  I was not willing to accept what I thought I'd be giving up.  And do you know how hard that is to admit?  Aren't young Christian women supposed to yearn for the call of motherhood? Is it considered selfish to not desire that role instinctively or immediately?  Well at least for me, those instincts hadn't kicked on just yet.  It had nothing to do with my own mom or other mothers around me, yet I felt guilty for feeling that way, like I was offending their being.  Before we got married and talked about kids, I figured the desire to be a mom would grow the longer we were married.

And in the middle of all that, Mia was born, and her birth was great, really really great.  There's not a single thing I would change about that.  When I reflect on it, it was such a serene, peaceful and beautiful day when my world was literally rocked.  The day I became a mother.
But I can't change what all happened after that.  It was rough. Really really rough.  And having Gabe's birth experience and the days thereafter to compare with Mia's, I realize just how different things could have been, but weren't. I realize now why I wasn't immediately happy as a new mom.  I unfortunately had some lingering baby blues.  So, when you're asked that infamous question, "Don't you loooove being a mom?", I almost resented it.  How could you ask me that??  It hurt.  She's small. I feel guilty.  I can't figure out this breastfeeding thing. I feel guilty. I keep getting sick. Why won't I get better? And I have a blood clot. What's wrong with me?  Pounding. Pounding. Pounding.

It gave me little chance to bond with a tiny, precious baby girl who is growing up into a delightful, strong child.  And I just didn't know how to be.
Finally, though, I got back some sense of control.  I found some purpose and I found some structure.  I found a community, and God gave me a group of people with whom I could work along side and feel productive. I felt useful, even if I was in a totally different role than I'd planned.  And to this day, it is still a little embarrassing to admit all those feelings that I had, but as a former counselor, I know you need to honor those feelings, or at least let them pass through, many times in order to move on.  You don't have to act on the feelings and actually BE selfish toward your child, or drop your responsibilities and walk away, but you can acknowledge them, have your peace, and move on.  And that's what I'm doing. Which is why I think I am enjoying the mommy life.  It is the toughest, highest calling I've ever known.  But these two munchkins are my arrows that will eventually be getting ready to launch, and just as God does a work in me, I have a work to do in them.

Let me do right by them. 

Gabe's Birth Story, Part II

If you missed Part I of Gabe's Birth Story, click here.

[Disclaimer: If you're a dude, one of my brothers, or generally uninterested in the minute details of a woman's real, live, all-natural birth, then you may want to skip this one!  All you need to know is posted at the end of this story (which means you'll have to skim through it and see totally safe pictures anyway). /End disclaimer.]

So, where did we leave off last?  Oh yes, that's right...we were beginning the drive down to TGH.

Since it was midday, traffic was slim to nil and we cruised down the interstate and took the Crosstown to get on over to the hospital. Dealing with contractions in the car is never fun, but it's part of the ballgame so I just rolled with it as much as I could.  As soon as we got to the hospital and began the valet parking experience, I started contracting again. I'm sure the valet men see it all the time: women trying to exit their cars only to find themselves stalled in an unusual standing position, working through a contraction.  Yes, that was me.

The next little bit was sort of a blur to me, as I just wanted to get all the business of triage behind me and focus on the rest of my labor, but I was taken by wheelchair to triage, with Greg and Stephanie, our doula, aside us, where we began the triage process. A nurse came in and checked me and said I was between 4-5 cm and almost completely effaced (was it 75%?).  On my chart she put a 5 and they admitted me.  We were able to get a room with a birth tub, which also happened to be overlooking the bay and as far as labor and delivery rooms go, it was pretty nice! Very scenic.  Not that I spent much time looking over the waters and considering the deep abyss that lies below, though.
Once we were admitted in the room, the doctor for the day stopped by and shared his greetings and went over the plan: I would labor for a few hours and then he would come check me again and see how things were progressing.  And if they weren't progressing, we'd talk about what to do next.  That little addition at the end was slightly worrisome as I didn't want to consider that there could possibly be any other options than this baby exiting my body the way nature intends but I didn't really let my mind go there. I just said okay and worked through more contractions.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, while we were in our room, a couple of nurses had to go through this laundry list of questions that were really irksome to me to have to answer.  Why these questions, why now?? Fortunately, Greg answered most of them and I just tried to get as comfy as I could while I waited for them to leave.
While they were wrapping up, my doula rubbed some labor oil and another aromatherapy blend on my belly (which she also had done before we left the house, and did a couple more times during labor) asked if I was ready to get into the birth tub. That sounded really good right about then, so I said yes and Greg, Stephanie and I made our way into the bathroom (sounds funny in retrospect) and with a little assistance I got into the tub.

Ahhhh....immediate relaxation.  Well, as much as one can relax in labor.  Something about laboring in water is quite soothing and chillaxing, and by that point (the rush of the morning, getting to the hospital, being triaged, being asked silly questions), I was ready for things to calm down a bit. Sometimes getting in the tub stalls labor for some women; I learned that at the birth center, but I was okay with a little stalling if I meant I could have some time to breathe and get a grip on things again.
I spent a good while in the tub--at least an hour--working and breathing through contractions, and telling myself to let the baby down and out when I was working through a tough one. I tried to visualize each contraction doing something purposeful--moving the baby down--so that I wouldn't fight it.  My doula played some music on her phone (New Age Essentials on Pandora if you're looking for some good birthin' music!) and turned off the lights so that it was very peaceful.  She and Greg just kind of observed while this happened and were there to provide support or chat with if I felt like it. But I can tell you from 2 birth experiences now, I rarely feel like chatting during labor!

There came a point when I felt it was time to get out, so I got out of the tub and sat on the toilet -- almost the exact same sequence I had in Mia's labor -- for a while to see how things felt out of the water.  And it was more intense.  I sat there for a few minutes until I heard that the doctor would be coming back in soon to check on me.  I couldn't believe it had already been a few hours, but it was and I gradually made my way out of the bathroom and to the bed. I must pause here and say my nurse was amazing. She stayed totally out of the way, and when she needed to check the baby on the monitor every so often, she wheeled the machine as close to the bathroom door as possible and strung out the cord as much as it would stretch so she could place it on my abdomen without my having to move hardly an inch!  She was very accommodating.  I also only had a heplock on my arm so that I could move around without being attached to a pole--that was all by request, too.

I was waiting for the doctor to come in and my contractions felt less and less tolerable.  I was getting antsy and kind of annoyed he wasn't there yet.  I thought he was coming; I got out of the bathroom and out of my zone to be checked and here I am uncomfortable just waiting on this bed!! Where's he at?


Finally he arrived, checked me, and said I was at 8cm.  Eight centimeters? Only eight? To be honest I was a little disappointed. For all that time I had spent laboring and knowing my labor with Mia lasted about 12 hours total, I was fully expecting this show to almost be done.  He said my bag of waters was still intact and at this point there were 2 options: break my bag of waters and we'd probably see a faster arrival of the baby, or wait it out and let my body do it on its own, which would probably take longer.

I asked him if we could briefly discuss it, so I spoke with Greg and my doula and I told them, "I'm ready for this to be over; maybe we should just break it?" and my doula agreed that at this point, it wasn't as risky an intervention, as normally I would not necessarily accept an artificial rupture of the membranes (to learn more, read here). In my case, since we were so close to the end, it can help speed dilation. We called him back in and said we would break it, so he scrubbed up and got the items he needed to do that and it broke. Being graphic here--it felt like a really really warm gush of water flowing out of me, almost a relief, followed by a very strong, intense and mighty contraction.  That contraction about sent me over the edge and I was ready to jump out of my own body and off that delivery table.  I felt that little baby's body come down strong and I felt an urge.  My nurse checked me after the next contraction and said I was fully dilated and complete and she called the doctor back in.  He had originally come in the room just after 4:30, broken my bag of waters some minutes after that, and was supposed to be off-shift at 5pm, but when he heard that I was complete and ready to push he came back in, got his delivery scrubs on, moved the bed a bit, changed the lighting, and called the newborn baby nurse.  This is when things got REAL and I was still in shock that this was really happening.

I remember Greg and Stephanie looking at me excitedly.  "This is it! We're about to push this baby out and meet him!" I'm sure that's what their faces meant.  In my head though, I was still thinking, How are we gonna do this? Do I remember how to do this? What if I have one of those agonizingly long pushing phases that lasts hours upon hours? Dare I say I watched a few too many birth shows this time around and despite pushing Mia out in probably 30 minutes, I just did not know if I would be so lucky this time.  The nurse and my doula helped me get my legs into position, and Greg was back by my head encouraging me through the process.
I will say that at the first pushing contraction, I pushed like a newbie. I'm embarrassed to say I screamed a bit and my nurse had to lovingly get in my face and tell me not to scream and that I needed to use my legs more for leverage and focus on where I was putting my energy in pushing so that it was most effective.

During the next contraction or two I started to figure it out and pushed as much as I could using all the coaching I was getting. I was following my own body's cues as well as the feedback from the whole delivery team.  Let me just tell you it is hard to push a baby out!  Our bodies were designed to do this, I truly believe, but getting the baby through that birth canal ain't necessarily always an easy business.  Once I started focusing on the task at hand, the process really worked itself out.  I'm still amazed at how short a time it took for the baby to work his way down and out.  With lots of excitement and positive feedback from the nurse, our doula, and Greg, after another contraction he was crowning, and by the next contraction he slithered his way out and was HERE!  All in all, it probably only took 10-15 minutes with probably 4 pushing contractions for Gabe to be born. I was
lucky
blessed!

They immediately placed the baby (who had to be named) on my abdomen with a towel and we gently scrubbed him off a little while he lay there. He was very calm and content as much as I can remember, and all I felt after he was born was this feeling of sheer relief and shock--much as I did with Mia--that this labor was OVER!  I was so thankful and Greg said I kept on saying, "Thank goodness, thank goodness, thank goodness!" as soon as he was delivered.  It's incredible how you go from one extreme while you're pushing (please let us be done with this business soon!) to incredible joy and pride as soon as the baby arrives.

first moments with mommy

happily posing with our newest addition

If you're a male reading this and get queasy easily then skip this paragraph...the placenta very quickly was delivered after that, and was a healthy red color, much different than Mia's.  What a relief to see it in such better condition and not to have to stand up and squat to deliver it like I did with Mia. Not fun!

The medical team really respected our wishes that the baby and I be skin-to-skin for the first hour, and let us bond and just chill while he and I were both checked out post-delivery.  I finally got a good look at him after the doctor left and realized he looked like a Gabe to me, which is the name we were both leaning towards the entire pregnancy.  Greg agreed and so we chose the name Gabriel Charles.  Gabriel is a Hebrew name, which means "God is my strength," and is the angel in the bible who told Mary she would be Jesus' earthly mother.  Charles is Greg's middle name and his maternal grandfather's name.  So, like Mia, Gabe has a family name, a biblical name, and his initials match Greg's like Mia's match mine!

hat crocheted by our doula

just after his newborn assessment

After the first hour, Gabe was given his newborn bath and assessment and we found out he was 6 pounds, 2.5 ounces and 19 inches long.  I was pretty jazzed to have broken the 6 pound mark, which was my "goal" this time around.  For the next little bit, we just hung out as a family and waited for Mia to arrive with Aunt Allison and Aunt Amanda, and Gabe just cuddled up with his while he was swaddled.

first family of 4 photo

About two hours later, we were transferred to our recovery room in a different area of the hospital and got to hang out as a whole family for a while before Mia went back home with Aunt Allison.

She quickly got accustomed to him, even though in this picture she clearly seems more interested in the Burt's Bees chapstick than she is of her little brother.  Right away she was trying to share items with him and she wanted to see his hands and his feet.  It didn't take her long at all to assume the big sister role.  

To "evaluate" the hospital birth as compared to the birth center birth, Greg and I were really pleased.  Our entire medical staff was very accommodating and respectful of our wishes. Our nurse was jazzed we were going all-natural.  There were never any tense heated moments or disagreements about our intentions or our wishes.  Everything was respected, even letting the cord pulse a little bit longer than may be usual before it was clamped and cut.  I later found out Greg accidentally left the birth plan in the car (oops!!) so he had whispered all our requests and preferences to the nurse during that "annoying" question and answer period when we first taken to the delivery room.  

I can safely say as much as we were able, we almost had a birth-center like birth at the hospital.  There are a few things that are impossible to compare, like the clinical nature of the hospital to the home-like nature of the birth center, or working with a midwife versus a doctor, but as far my actual labor & delivery experiences goes, I felt respected, heard and validated.  Which makes it sound like it's all about me, but I know from enough research, women can have feelings that linger for years regarding the birth experience they didn't get.  All of that was important to me, and for my feelings about my baby, and I'm very thankful our prayers were answered.  

So really, if you made it this far, or if you're just skimming the story, all you really need to know is, thanks to God, Gabriel was delivered safe and sound. Sigh.Of.Relief!

Gabe's birth story, part I

Waiting for [Gabe] was like knowing something was coming but being in denial it could happen at any minute. While I told myself, this could be it, he could be here before we know it, the day he arrived I was still in some shock until it was really happening.

I had lunch with two of my best gal pals earlier in the week (the first week of November, that is, right after Halloween), and discussed how his arrival would ideally come after the first weekend of November. {Ah, the best laid plans o' mice and men, oft go astray!!} Many of my friends were speaking at a ladies event at our church that Saturday (the 5th), and my parents had some important plans that first weekend that I didn't want them to feel torn about if I had Gabe before the 6th.  However, things started getting into motion long before the 6th...

On the eve of his arrival, I was at our church's Wednesday night bible study along with the rest of our tiny family of 3, feeling a little rushed and out of breath as I usually am after the mad dash it takes to get everyone to church.  My belly was tightening a little bit in class and I figured it was just Braxton Hicks from all the movement it took to get there. I even jokingly told someone my water might break there and it'd be sort of awkward having this stream of liquid go down my pants (I am one for poise & grace regarding delicate matters, that's for sure!)  Awk-ward!  After class was over I was speaking with some of my dear birthing friends, Juline & Jenny B. I asked Juline, who is a birth assistant at the birth center where Mia was born, to feel my belly.  Did she feel like it meant anything? She wasn't sure but we were all just having fun discussing the possibility of imminent labor and all that.  I had only started taking 5-W, an herbal supplement, earlier in the week. 5-W (which stands for 5 weeks) is an herbal blend that supplies nutrients supportive to the female glandular and reproductive systems and should be taken during the last five weeks of pregnancy.  It's supposed to strengthen the uterus to make labor & delivery easier.  I was not taking Evening Primrose Oil or any other late-term pregnancy supplements as some of them were contraindicated with my blood thinner.  I had also taken 5-W with Mia the last couple of weeks and looking back I believe it helped.  It is supposed to even shorten pushing time.


Regardless, we all went home that night and got settled into bed assuming the following day would be busy with continuing the food prep I had begun the day before (see this post).  As I slept that night, I awoke a few times noting some low pressure in my abdomen, like he was pushing down on my cervix.  I assumed it just meant he was dropping even more, getting further into the birth canal. I did not necessarily think it meant delivery was soon.


However, when I woke up that morning, things started to feel different. Mia was acting much more differently around me, really wanting my attention and wanting Mommy to play with her. I had skipped my normal breakfast items to instead play with her and try to be "present," only to find myself distracted by what was going on with my own body. What was I feeling? Were these waves of pressure the real deal? Were contractions settling in??


Meanwhile, Greg was getting ready for work and we were discussing what was going on, and I started noting to him that I was having a harder time staying focused. But within a span of probably 10 minutes, we went from saying, "Go ahead, go to work," to "Why don't you stay home and sign-in online here, just in case?" to "Let's call Brian & Amanda, we need to get a little day & overnight bag packed for Mia!"
I downloaded Contraction Master on my iPhone and started timing these "waves" (a hypnobirthing term, which felt appropriate at the time as they were only waves and quite tolerable).  I texted my doula, Stephanie, who happened to have a totally free day ahead of her and was quite enthusiastic about the prospect of assisting me through another birth that day.  I was still dubious that this was it, but at the same time my body was telling me things were getting underway.


I still hadn't eaten breakfast and was hardly interested in it as I was slightly fearful of throwing anything up, as I did in Mia's labor, but I was glad I had made some homemade stock the day before that was still warm in the crockpot--that at least seemed to sound soothing to my stomach. I started sipping on that while Greg got Mia ready to go over to cousin Braden's and I unloaded the dishwasher.  Yes, I did very silly things while in early labor.  I unloaded the dishwasher and tried to clean up some of the kitchen.  I called my mom (not silly), to let her know what was going on, and I took a call from Monica--I think we were talking about her pregnancy weight gain (ha!) and I told her I thought things were happening.  I even had a contraction while on the phone, and the dear that she is told me to breathe :).  I sat on the birth ball during these waves and tried to relax through and sway through them, but I could tell they were speeding up and increasing in intensity.  I wanted and felt that I needed to take a shower, so while Greg was out dropping off Mia (and quickly running through Target as we needed some last minute hospital items!), I took a shower, did my hair and even put on some makeup.  Who knew if it would last but when I went into labor with Mia, I was not prepared in that sense.  I just wanted to feel presentable (somehow knowing I had done something with myself that day gave me the feeling that I was "in control") and have one good last shower before I was in a hospital for who knows how long.  By that point in time, our doula was almost to our house and when she arrived and Greg had gotten back, it didn't take too long for her to watch me to decide we should go ahead and get to the hospital.  


I texted Lindsay to ask her to come over after we left to deal with all the soaked beans, lentils and quinoa I had sitting out, and to store the remaining chicken stock.  And to also fold my laundry.  Let's just pause here for a minute and say I have some good friends who would come over and do such a thing for me.  Like I said, I really didn't think labor would be that day!  (In an ideal world you go into labor with your house spotless, your clothes clean, folded and put away, and your freezer already stocked with all the meals you intended to make!...and your printer already loaded with paper and your birth plan printed out.)


While we were about to head out the door, Stephanie put some more broth for me in some containers so I'd be able to sip on it at the hospital, and we grabbed our bag and our birth plan, which was just printed out that morning, and started the crazy journey to Tampa General Hospital...

The very beautiful Tampa General Hospital, on Davis Island

To be continued...

Loving life, backtracking & all...

We trail blaze every now and then, only to fall off the trail and break twigs and try to figure out our way back.  Toddler Boot Camp was becoming quite effective and Greg & I were noticing serious positive changes until last weekend, when I noticed Mia becoming a tad more clingy and then BAM--fever strikes.
After the fever spiked, then settled, the nasal congestion came on, and while Greg, Mia & I were all struggling in the sleep department, we were popping Aconite, Belladonna, or Pulsatilla, and downing teaspoons of Black Elderberry Syrup (say whaaaat??) trying to keep our immune systems afloat and manage the disarray that occurs between a weekend of sleepiness & snot.  And hey--it worked!  We're all still a bit tired but no one is down & out, thankfully.

Except that Toddler Boot Camp needs a reboot.  No pun intended.  It's fine.  This is what happens. You learn something, apply it, make it work, and then life hits you in the face with a fever, or a new baby, or what have ye, and you readjust.  This.is.how.we.do.

So, while life has been generally tame--I find my mounting to-do list makes me thankful for things to do as opposed to being bored out of my mind and twiddling my thumbs--there is always something to keep  me on my toes.  Namely Mia. ;)

Baby boy is good. He's doing his thing, moving around, having hiccups, switching sides and keeping me occupied when I can't sleep at 2 in the morning.  He threw a dance party for me last night when I had some ice cream, and he's really giving me and Greg a run for our money in the name department.  We have three solid names...first & middle...but can't decide on which on any given day. It's very temperamental.  While the rest of the world won't know until the day he is born as we plan to keep it a secret, maybe we won't either, because we just can't settle.

And there ye have it.  Tomorrow = 31 weeks.  Doing the countdown.

What happens when Mia sets the table

Playing "This Little Piggy" with cousin Abby

30 weeks

Bring it on, September.

Tough Lessons in Parenting...and Tough Love

Which teachers did you like the best growing up?  Those who let the whole class get away with everything, had no boundaries, and never were able to get much accomplished? Or those who had strict rules, which they enforced, and had high expectations of your behavior and output? What about the teacher who let you know the boundaries, and let a little bit of his/her spunky/sweet personality shine through--the teacher you hated to disappoint?
I think my favorite teachers were the latter two.  I needed a little bit of both in my life as a student or an athlete and while at first I may have despised the super strict teacher--once I figured him/her out, we often worked well together.  (I am thinking of a particular cross-country & track coach in this scenario.)

When it comes to parenting, there can be quite the number of differences between what you would do as a parent and what you would do as a teacher, but the similarities can also be astounding.  Having only ever taught one freshmen-level college class, and doing guidance lessons here & there as a counselor, I would say my teaching skills are mostly limited to the kindergarten Sunday school class I've participated in over the past 5-ish years so I don't have the most experience in this arena.

However, sometimes I wish I had stepped into the foray of teaching for just a little bit longer so that I would have a few more tools in my arsenal for how to appropriately set limits for a young one.

How much you change...and teach us
within such a short period of time!
(June 2010)

Without realizing it, I had unintentionally made our home a battle zone for Mia.  I let her choose and dictate many trivial choices--things that didn't seem like they mattered--until it was time for me to make certain decisions for her and I realized she "wasn't having it," i.e., throwing a major tantrum.  Of course, this is flustering and beyond irritating when the wee one strikes out, but it's also a personal blow when you realize you are mostly to blame for the outcome. I should add at this point that both Greg & I parent a little bit differently, and it's usually me she pushes the most (so it seems).

Sleep always has been a war zone for her and us. We've drawn lines many times before, and found success, only to let something creep in that sets us back several stages.  Especially at naptime.  As I said before, she puts up more of a fight with me at naptime than she does with Greg at bedtime.  Now that I'm pregnant, however, and due within the next three months(!), it is imperative that we press the "reset" button on a few of these areas so that life for everyone in our household will hopefully be a bit easier to manage especially when there's one more added to the mix.

I was on the verge of desperation yesterday, and posted for some advice in a Christian moms group I'm apart of on Facebook.  The responses I received were humbling...and encouraging.  It was the type of tough love I didn't want to but needed to hear (and had heard before -- you were right, Mommo)!  Oh, won't that be satisfaction when your child is old enough to tell you that you were right about something? In due time, methinks.

It's only been ONE day, and lest I get ahead of myself I know that all we can work with is today and I shan't set myself up for unlikely expectations, but Mia is getting a dose of tough love, and it's doing something!  And I'm gaining the confidence that this is the right thing for her. The simple things of choosing which cups, or what outfits, or how many options she has at nap time are dwindling.  It appears that by loosening the reins with her--which as I said, seemed okay at first--has really backfired on our locus of control and stability in the home.  And who doesn't need some shalom in the home?  How many times have I actually wished for SuperNanny or a parenting expert to be able to step in and give me real-time advice.  Now I have it and we're moving forward.

Summer 2011

If there's one piece of advice I could give to mommies with babes younger than mine, it is to hold your ground and set boundaries early on, even if they seem unnecessary at the time.  It's easier to give in or tweak a boundary than it is to try take something back.  I would say thus far I've been pretty nonchalant about various aspects of parenting, save a few areas.  It fits me and I like to be easy-going.  However, I have realized for a young child, boundaries and limits are what set the stage for feeling secure and confident and knowing who is in charge.  Knowing "Who's the Boss" is not just 80s TV trivia...it should be a life lesson.  There may be those who respectfully disagree; it doesn't fit your parenting or child development philosophy and you and your child are succeeding just fine as is, and that's wonderful.  But I have learned that for our tough cookie, this is what we all need.

If I could, I wish I could download to my brain, Matrix-style, the parenting skills from the following books, among others:

The Strong Willed Child
Raising Girls
Parenting by the Book
Love & Logic


There's quite a lot going on in my brain right now: personal work I need to attend to; home projects; setting up Mia's bedroom and continuing to prepare for a new baby; considering potty-training(?), etc.,  that reading parenting books feels like extra work.  I'd honestly rather surf the internet or read birth stories than do that.  Or take a nap, let's be honest.  But I need it.  So, if you think of it, share any encouragement you've had with your own children or others about setting limits and being firm, and how that worked out for you.  Knowing others have done it and that I can do it--is truly half the battle in my mind.

Thank ye.  We're much obliged to your kindnesses.

Children are a blessing...

Well, regardless of your take on that last post, if you're a believer then you know these words are true:


³ Children are a heritage from the LORD, 
   offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
   are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
   whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
   when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5, NIV

At the end of the day when I doubt myself, I can always remember that no matter where I am, there is a blessing in this.  And there was no denying it yesterday...

Mia, June 2011
captured by Laura Hinely

We drove over to Orlando, braving wind & storm & lightning to try to snap a few shots with Laura Hinely before she takes her 5 week hiatus to do grad school in LA.  I have to say if I could live vicariously through someone sometime, it might be Laura.  She works for a magazine (I just imagine she's on the set of Devil Wears Prada everyday), has a cute little 1-bedroom apartment, snaps amazing photos, and goes to California every summer for a month.  Doesn't that sound kinda fun??

The weather wasn't really on our side, but Laura is a connoisseur of good lighting and managed to find a few slivers of light in between the lightning bolts to capture our little girl as she is at 2 years old.  Which, for last night, was a bit hyper, talky, and energetic.  Her hands & face were covered in dirt by the end and her hair was ultra-wispy.  

I know as her friend Laura always want to be at the top of her craft and felt the challenges of weather slightly disabled her ability to capture tons of good photos, but I know she's already captured some gems (she showed me). And the fact that she got some good ones of me & Greg in front of an orange wall -- well, you should know how I feel about that.  (Orange & green are my favorite colors, even if I wear blue & grey all the time.)

She has about 54,923,128 things to do before she heads to LA, so I don't expect to see the rest of her work for a while, but I'm satisfied with the sneak peak!  I'm not trying to put pressure on you Laura--you do yo' thang!!

And okay, if you're having questions still after the last post, let me point you to these posts:

Motherhood as a Mission Field

Parenthood: Worth every second (if you don’t need art supplies)

Just gives you some perspective after a [tough, hard, excruciating, etc] day.  You're not alone.  And I want you in this journey with me. We talk about the hard times because we need to, not because we're trying to scare you.  Trust me, it's worth it.

/Peace.

Why do people have kids?

pregnant with Mia
totally frightened, still totally clueless, but happy

This post is dedicated to the four friends I had the chance/time/opportunity to speak with after bible study tonight: AC, LH, SL & LA, in no particular order.

Out with Mia at 5 weeks,
feeling like champs for having survived

Why do people have kids? I have asked myself this before, once on a trip with my family in my early 20s when I was contemplating a lot of serious things.  I really wanted to know why so I asked my mom. I probably scared her half to death with that question, but she took it in stride and answered in her own way.  I also asked myself this question a few weeks after Mia was born.  At that point in time, I was having trouble finding the joy in childrearing and was seriously disillusioned as to why someone would ever want to repeat this experience.

And then, as a friend and I were discussing some of the challenges that can accompany a teething baby (sleepless nights, irritability--both for baby & mom, lack of personal time, etc.), another friend asked, "So why do you have kids?"  Her point being that this current discussion about all these unpleasant things really makes parenting look like no walk in the park and why anybody would want to proceed with it after hearing all this seems insane.

I can relate to that question, I really can.  I mean, why would you want to do something like that? Why would you want to give up your free time, your sleep, your sanity, your late nights with your friends, or spouse, maybe even a piece of your independence or your career, for little children who cannot reason or think quite as well as you can and sometimes drive you to the breaking point??

All I could tell her, was that I knew what she was thinking and I'd been there, but what I have been learning in my grand 2 years of experience is that none of this lasts forever.  I used to think after I had Mia that I was trapped. I could never leave the house again, and if I did, I would not be enjoying myself because I'd be worried that she'd need me or something horrible would happen.  I used to think I'd never be able to hang out with friends or go out, because the timing of things interrupted the baby's current sleep schedule and I needed to honor that.  Or because she needed milk from me and I had to be physically present to provide it.  All that too, did pass. I also was afraid she'd never sleep through the night, or never go to sleep without bouncing.  While her sleeping is not 100% consistent, the bouncing actually did pass.  It now honestly seems like a distant memory but it took up sooooo much of our time in her first several months.


So why am I doing this again--having a child, that is?  There are a lot of reasons, and of course it's different for everybody.  Even though parenthood is not what I had put on my schedule for the calendar year 2009, it's what God put on my schedule and it was His time.  So, fight it as we might, we rolled with it.  Some of our reasons are practical -- this would be, in our minds, good spacing/timing for another baby now that Mia is here.  Some of our reasons are emotional -- we'd love to have another baby to love.  Some of our reasons are hard to describe or adequately put into words.  Being a parent, while totally more trying than any other thing I've ever had to do in my life, has given me more a sense of purpose and direction than anything ever has in my life.  So being in this place, while I occasionally wish to be somewhere else (alone, by myself, with my own thoughts and a bathroom door that I can close), this place is where I am.

I have quoted Ecclesiastes 3 before, and right now it is my mantra.  When I struggle with Mia's behavior, or I struggle with disappointment or discontent over various things, or worry about this/that, I have to remind myself, this is only for a time.  God did not designate me to be here in this place forever.  I was only a college student for a time.  I only worked at varying places for a time.  Greg & I were only just the two of us for a (very short) time.  And now we are here and trying, sometimes failing, but nonetheless trying, to make the most of it.  Why am I doing this? Because that's where I am.

I am so nostalgic at times, and I know in the future I will actually be nostalgic for these times, even though we have our bumps in the road.  I will be nostalgic for a little girl with fluffy blonde hair who sings her own songs and tries to convince us of things we know aren't exactly true (not that she's lying, she's just trying to exert her own independence).  I will be nostalgic for a baby in my belly who I can feel flutter and move around, even when that baby is Lord Willing pulling out my hair, teething, or not eating well.  I will be nostalgic for the times when I had less wrinkles in my face and smothered coconut oil into my dry pregnant skin when I've never been able to do that before in my entire life.  I will be nostalgic, so right now, I choose to remember, and to know that this is all for a time.



Why do I have kids?  Because it's where I am.  I didn't know that it could, but it makes me a better person.  So this is what we do...and it will only be for a time.

How do you answer this question?  When you think about where you are as a parent, how do you keep pushing forward?



And now, if you want your heartstrings tugged at country-style, listen to this Darius Rucker (Hootie and the Blowfish, anyone?) song called, "It won't be like this for long":

What's been different

16+ weeks

Indeed, I am pregnant, right?  Occasionally we all forget and sometimes don't remember which week it is.  Wait, am I in the first or the second trimester?  Ahh, yes, the second.   Crazy as our child has been this past week, we are happy & looking forward to having another baby.  Perhaps because we're "addicted to birth," but that's a whole 'nother story!!

I wasn't sure if I could fathom feeling different the 2nd time around in pregnancy, as before I was even pregnant I wanted nearly everything to be the same so that it seemed like I was enjoying (or not enjoying) all the new aspects of  impending motherhood. But alas, things go by faster this time around as time is relative, I'm more distracted because there's a 2 year old on whom to keep tabs, and since "I've done this once before," my mind isn't so wholly focused on learning all the ins and outs of pregnancy, although I do like reviewing the vast prenatal/pregnancy/childbirth literature out there from time to time.  Mostly I like reading what's going on with the baby and my body this week, and reading really good birth stories.  I could get addicted to that.

I have already felt the baby move a bit over the last few days, which has been exciting, and a positive reminder that things are going as they should.  I'm not sure I'm showing tons more at this point in time as I was with Mia, but I definitely know I have some baby belly so there's no question why my waist is widening or why I can't wait certain pants anymore.  :-S

We get asked how we're feeling, or what we're thinking Mia will be like as a big sister, or if we want a boy or girl or if we have names picked out.  As for now, Greg & I are feeling good about this, and have been since the beginning.  We have observed Mia of late with wee little ones (5 months or younger), and she has tried to be quite the helper with the babes, so we're thinking/hoping she'll be interested in her baby sibling and want to help out.  I'm thinking she might want to help out too much sometimes and try to hold the baby on her own or feed it foods when I'm not looking!  We're planning on finding out the sex in a couple of weeks, and we'll probably share with the world at large once we've told all the VIPs first :P
If we can hold fast to our goal, we will not be sharing the name until he/she is born.  People always want to know 1) what you're having and 2) what you're naming the lil' bean.  I say if we give them 1 for 2 they can't complain.  What can I say, we just like at least some element of surprise!

The main thing that has been different this go-round is whom I see for my prenatal care.  As alluded to several times before on this blog, I delivered Mia at the Labor of Love Birth Center and had a fabulous experience.  I really enjoyed my prenatal visits, the midwives and my actual birth experience.  I'm seriously not lying!  I was definitely nervous about giving birth, in and of itself, but when it came down to it, my experience went well.  I had a great doula who worked alongside us as well and really helped us as first-timers figure out what was "big-deal" worthy.

However, as also alluded to before, I had a totally unexpected blood clot about 2.5 weeks after Mia was born.  I say totally unexpected because while pregnant women are at a higher risk for clotting, I have no known clotting disorders or anything that runs in my family that could explain this.  The best explanation one of several doctors could share with me was that it was an autoimmune response to something in my system, hence why I've made some radical diet changes within the last year or so to decrease the amount of inflammation and irritation to my system.

All of this led to me being forever labeled as "high-risk" for future pregnancies.  I learned this weeks after Mia was born and dealt with my grief at the time and then moved on. The birth center was a great option for me and still is for many others who are low-risk. But high-risk? Okay, let's figure that one out too!

I found a group highly recommended that delivers at Tampa General Hospital that has regular OB/GYNs, Certified Nurse Midwives, and high-risk OB/maternal fetal medicine specialists all in one.  It's the USF Health group and so far I hear they have a good track record.  I've already met with the high-risk doctor who confirmed a prophylactic dose of Lovenox is what I should be taking throughout this pregnancy and the 6 weeks following to prevent miscarriage, blood clotting, and allow the placenta to do its thing.  Lovenox is a subcutaneous injection I give myself nightly in my belly fat (not because that's where the baby is, but because of the love handle situation!) that I basically look at as a little extra insurance for this pregnancy.  Sometimes it hurts to give the shots, but as an old pro recently shared with me, eventually you build up enough scar tissue that it doesn't hurt anymore, and after 2 months of shots I think I've already gotten there!

Other than that, all my other visits have been pretty standard.  Things will start to speed up towards the end when I have more fetal monitorings and a few extra ultrasounds to check the growth.  Since Mia was low birth-weight, they'll be monitoring the growth on this one as well.  I have learned one low-birth weight baby does not equal all subsequent babies are low-birth weight, so beyond doing what I can on the outside of the womb, we're just praying all things are going as they should inside the womb.  Getting the extra monitoring is a mixed bag of blessings.  It will be nice to see how things are progressing, but I would be lying if I didn't say I am a wee bit nervous about finding all these "extra things" that really wouldn't make a big difference but nonetheless add stress right at the end of pregnancy, which wouldn't be fun.

My birth plan as of now is still the same as it was for Mia, which is that barring any unforeseen complications, to do it all naturally, meaning no epidural, no pain medication.  We're using the same great doula again, who has allayed many a fear about birthing in a hospital (mainly because I've just never done it before, not because I'm hospital-wary) and has me feeling empowered that natural birth is totally doable (again)!

It's all still a ways off, so for now we're just enjoying the ride.  If you made it this far, muchas gracias for reading all the updates on life & pregnancy the 2nd time around!
What was different with your second/subsequent pregnancies?  What did you learn?

the dog days...are they over?

I don't think they are...but phew! What a week it's already been.

I'm not the biggest fan of continually posting, "This has been a challenging week," because it seems I'm all discouraged and no fun and like I walk around with a frowny face all the time, but *knock on wood*, a few things seem to be on the up & up these past few days.  I really appreciate everyone's input and words of encouragement; it's always worlds better to hear from others that you're not alone, is it not?

It's been stormy weather this week and today was no exception.  We had a doctor's appointment in South Tampa at 9 this morning, and mother (I never really call her that), you'd be so proud of me, even with the inclement weather, Mia & I arrived on time.  Not that that means our appointment went in a timely fashion. My goodness!  We didn't leave the place until after 11 and it was raining cats & dogs.  Almost.
Aside from today's outing there really hasn't been much going on these past few days and I'm starting to get cabin fever.  I fear we're going to come down with an Elmo virus or something; I reluctantly admit I've relied on the TV a bit more than I feel comfortable with the last few days.  We make up for it in the evening though some and have no TV time to just unwind and not get sucked in.

Tomorrow's to be sunny and warm -- no storms we hope -- so I'm sure we'll get out and be a bit more adventurous.

Until then, here's the little girl who was trying to help me get ready this morning:

headband on, give me the soap!

Who's in charge around here?

After months of having fun with Mia, just doing our daily "day-to-day" with little to no consequence, life throws a curveball at us.  Or maybe we've been well overdue.  I mean, after a string of a few solid months when people ask you, "How are you? How's life?" and you genuinely can say, "Great!" without adding qualifiers in your head ("Well, it'd be MORE wonderful if ____..."), maybe our time for real nonsense had arrived.

Maybe it is time for the terrible twos.

Mia is less than a month away from entering the age of two, technically, but behaviorally she's been there for the past month or so.  Greg and I are starting to feel like everybody's out of sync, out of control and we need some firm footing again.

So, back to the drawing board where decisions will be made, a few choices eliminated, and this chiquita bambina is going to relearn who's the boss.  Not her...ME.  Not her...Daddy.
I'm all about "empowering" kids to know what they're capable of doing, but I'm not all about entitling kids to feel like anything's free game.  So, while my actions may not have been clear to Mia in the past about communicating this ideal, it's about to change.

Wish us luck and send up a prayer or share a word of encouragement with us.  We're total n00bs and humbly admit we need the most guidance here.

And to total newbies: Don't worry...it's not always like this, and every kid is different, and you can learn from our mistakes!  That's part of the point of this blog...to share ideas!

Scaring the living daylights out of friends sans children

Of course I am perfectly well-behaved ALL the time.
Of course I am!

I was at a bless-ed baby shower the other night, which for me, unless I am hosting, is like the biggest girl gab fest I can sometimes find, and I love it.  I used to not be crazy about [baby/wedding] showers. What's the big deal about a mixer, you ask?  Or, how many bibs can a little bub have?  (Not too many, I tell you, not too many.)

But now I look at them as an excellent way to get a collective mass of fun-loving, heart-throbbing people (mostly women) together to discuss the "hilarities" of life, including the good and the bad.

I was part of one such conversation Sunday night, which upon reflection, and confirmation from these gal-pals, slightly scared them from EVER wanting to have children.

What is it about moms that makes them discuss perhaps the most non-flattering aspects of parenthood?  Do we just love to torture others?  Are we sharing battle wounds?  Looking for commiseration?  

Indeed I think it is multi-faceted.

I will confess there is some enjoyment in seeing the shock on others' faces and their jaw drops because they cannot believe you just said [that].  I would give you a real example but I know I have some more prim & proper readers on this blog and don't want to make even them aghast.

There is also enjoyment in explaining to others: "This is how it really goes down."  People will tell you all aspects of motherhood are glorious and while the good most definitely outweigh the bad, there are a few parts of being a mom that are not glamorous.  Privacy, diaper poop, pumps, I mean...let's face it.  Little people are little people, still learning the ropes and don't know that generally speaking, most adults like to close the bathroom door when they need to go.

But most of all, I think there is enjoyment in relating to other women & moms that what happened to me is also happening to you...and vice versa.  There's a sense of normalcy at that point that I'm not totally absurd and my house isn't running perfectly 24/7 and nor is yours...and we're okay.

This perplexed me quite a bit pre-Mia.  I heard awful stories about crazy, ill-behaved children, sleepless nights, never going out with your spouse, and then what felt like in the same breath, a person exclaiming "I LOVE my children! I can't imagine life without them!  I love being a mommy!!!!!!!"  (With probably at least that many exclamation points.)  

I thought, okay, either you're LYING, or there's something I'm seriously missing here.

Until I had Mia.  I got it.  There are minutes, hours or days where the role of motherhood is challenging, daunting, gross, irritating, awful, despicable, unflattering, lonely, grueling.  It's true.  Just like pretty much any other job.  There are days you love it, and days you hate it.  And sometimes it takes a while to get used to it.

BUT.  And this is a BIG but.  And not a butt.  To be a mom, to have your own little munchkin(s), to be building something greater than yourself, with your best friend (who also drives you bonkers sometimes as you do to him -- let's face it, marriage ain't always a cake walk either, is it?), is one of the coolest jobs in the world.  

I told my friends, after I realized I probably scarred them for life with my "horror" stories (which are not funny as they are occurring, but are much funnier weeks & months later), that being a mom has helped me be more balanced, content, secure, and even chilled out in some ways.  Cause we all know, I was all over the place beforehand; at least I felt like I was!

So do not fear. You will hear unflattering stories. You will hear people proclaiming there's nothing better.  You will wonder what to believe.  Believe both, but know that you can also choose your 'tude and make it how you want to be.  And create a purpose that will drive you and keep you going.  It's not all drudgery but it ain't all tulips either.  It's life.

So go on, have a kid*. Don't be skeered!  It will change things, of that I will not lie.  But in my limited experience, it can improve things too.  

/The End.

*Of course if you cannot have children or do not want to have children, I do not intend to say that by not having children your life is incomplete.  Certainly not.  The Apostle Paul was not married nor did he have children and I would venture to say he lived a pretty full life.  I am only sharing this message for people earnestly contending with the idea of having children and am in no way trying to say to others that your life won't be grand if you don't have them.  It can be grand either way.  Again, choose your 'tude.  God bless.

Locked & Loaded: Mia's ploy to meet firefighters

It seems like every post I write on here is either a) a video or b) a story of some ridiculous antic or c) a tirade about sleep deprivation.  Well, true to form, I'm going to deliver on option b with a little of option c mixed in for good measure.

After what felt like months--but was really only a week and a half or so--Mia's sleeping patterns straightened out from our trip.  Yet, I've learned to cautiously tread on such statements, so to rephrase that, Mia slept really well Sunday and Monday night, as well as during the day.  Tuesday night, however, was a different story.  While she woke up sometime after midnight and seemed fairly easy to soothe back to sleep, staying asleep was the challenge.  Even after bringing her to our bed where sometimes she konks out being so close to her parents didn't work (pretty sure she thought that was a 2am playdate), she finally went down again until 6:30ish.

Feeling like a zombie after such little sleep, I really didn't expect her to stay up long for her midmorning nap, so to move things along, Mia & I took a trip to one our favorite destinations, SuperTarget.  After a moderately quick spree at Target, sped up at the end by her insistence that I hold her while I pay for the groceries at checkout, we exited the store and headed for the car.

Mia's a bit precocious.  She knows a fake cell phone from a real one, a fake laptop from a Mac, and fake kiddy keys from mommy's only set.  While we walking out to the car, to be able to steer the cart with all my stuff & Mia, I appeased her by giving her the [real] car keys to play with.  I set her in her carseat, closed her door so she wouldn't chuck the keys elsewhere, and unloaded the groceries in the trunk and then closing it.  As I was briskly walking to the driver's side door I hear * click click * and suddenly realize that Mia has most definitely locked herself in the car.

Staying calm, staying calm, I walk over to her side of the car and peek through the window and ask Mia, "Can you touch the other button?  Mia, can you press the unlock button? I need you to unlock the car!"  This doesn't really help or get the message across and Mia's sitting there a bit dumbfoundedly wondering why we're talking through this tinted glass.

About this time, a Target employee is coming out for his smoke break and notices I'm bargaining with what he assumes to be a small child.  He asks if there's someone in the car and I say, "Yes, my 16 month old daughter just locked herself in!"  He radios to the "AP" (Assets Protection), the Target Security guy who promptly contacts the county fire department.  As I'm on the phone with Greg trying to reason this out, I hear sirens almost immediately.  Yikes, they're fast!  I'm being asked, "Ma'am, is it okay if they have to break your window?"  Umm...I guess so?  I didn't even really think about that one.

A nice police officer rolls up, starts asking me what happened (which always makes you feel like a guilty, irresponsible loser) as I look in to see Mia's starting to get a bit more alarmed.  I can barely even explain what's happening when the fire department shows up and immediately surrounds the car with all their unlocking equipment.  One firefighter was trying to assess Mia through the windows and even though she was crying pretty frantically at that point, he said she was still okay.  That was sad though, to try to console your little one through a window while all these guys are trying to break into the car.

After a while, the firefighters were finally successful with opening up the lock through the window without breaking it.  Yay!!! I immediately opened Mia's door and pulled her out, with her hair all sweaty and face beading with perspiration.  I think much of that was from her own freaking out, and not necessarily from the heat of the car, but it had probably been at least 15 minutes.

After a quick visual rundown and an official report to the FD, plus some tips from the police officer, we were good to go.  Amazingly or just via plain divine intervention, my friend Leanne had pulled up in the parking lot with her 2 yr old son just as this was all going down.  So, while I was a bit mentally preoccupied with the guys arriving, trying to stay present with Mia, and explain to Greg what was happening, it was nice to have some moral support.

A few upsides:
learning the quick response time of the Pasco Fire Dept & Police Dept.
having a friend nearby, and her son to share grapes with Mia afterwards (one of her fav fruits)
Greg coming home anyway for the rest of the day
taking the hardest 1.5 hr nap I've had in quite some time later in the day
learning just one more thing to put in my arsenal / parent handbook for the rest of our lives!

... And speaking of sleep, I think I should go get some.

Mixed Messages

I think one thing that confused me before I became a mom was hearing people say things like, "You'll love being a mom; it's the best thing ever!" and then that same person off-handedly remarking that their kids were driving them nuts.  I was very confused...are you telling me that being a mom is awesome while at the same time pulling your hair out?  It wasn't until after Mia exited the womb that I understood these so-called mixed messages.


There are various times throughout my day where Mia will come up to me and snuggle, lay her head on my lap or try to "love" on me (anytime she pats something she's "loving" it).  There is also a time during the day, usually around 3:30pm, where I try to put a sleepy Mia down for a nap, and she resists.  With full-freakish-force.  It is usually about this time I say mean mommy things in my head, like, "I hate this!" (i.e., her not sleeping, not Mia!) and, "If only she would go to sleep, my life would be complete!" Usually Greg gets an onslaught of angry text messages that detail the last 30-45 minutes of frustration.  It could be only 15 minutes later that I've changed my mind--of course after deciding trying to put Mia down for a nap was a horrible idea and vowing never to do it again--and I think Mia's the sweetest, cutest thing ever.


So why do these things happen? Why do we go from love to strong irritation in a nanosecond?  I don't know for sure why, but I would say in my case I find myself strongly irritated by a situation I feel I cannot control. (But I wouldn't label myself a "control freak.") Whereas once Mia would fall asleep just by sucking on a bottle, she's much more strong-willed now and knows there are things going on outside her room or our house that may be more interesting than slowly falling to sleep in the cozy confines of her chic PotteryBarnKids crib. How dare she not love it! :-P


Have I fallen into the group that sends mixed messages?  Ohh yeah. We're way past that.  I don't enjoy doing that, spewing forth happy happy happy! and grr grr grr! but it seems it's part of the daily grind, at least for now.  So while I work on ways to adjust my mentality during the 3 o'clock hour, consider this face I wrestle with daily.

How could you not love this??












PS: I may take my cues on how to adjust my mentality from this little girl:

"No Explanation Necessary"

If there's one thing I love it's hanging out with old friends with whom there's no explanation necessary.  There's something comforting about hanging out with people who have known longer than a year or two, who know where you've been, what you're like, and where you plan on going.  It's also so nice to hang out with these people after you all experienced the addition of a child!  Tonight we did something we never do for a Monday night...grab a yummy dinner with friends and our young ones and enjoy a sunny, peaceful twilight walking around.

Here's the proof.  No explanation necessary.

Mia relaxing in the limelight

Juggling between the two boys (Left: Cash, Right: Dylan)

The babies & their dads -- all the while singing "Friends, I will remember you...think of you...and pray for you..." [the Friends* finale song -- Colt, Greg & Trey (left to right) were all in a performers band in college and this was the last song they sang at each performance!]

Baby daddy switch!

 Baby mamas!

It was sooo good to hang out with these people tonight. Why don't we do it more often??




* The Friends also performed tons more songs by artists you've probably actually heard of. Lots of rock classics, oldies, and contemporary music too (sheryl crow, sara evans, michelle branch...why can I only remember the girl artists?)