Children are a blessing...

Well, regardless of your take on that last post, if you're a believer then you know these words are true:


³ Children are a heritage from the LORD, 
   offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
   are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
   whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
   when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5, NIV

At the end of the day when I doubt myself, I can always remember that no matter where I am, there is a blessing in this.  And there was no denying it yesterday...

Mia, June 2011
captured by Laura Hinely

We drove over to Orlando, braving wind & storm & lightning to try to snap a few shots with Laura Hinely before she takes her 5 week hiatus to do grad school in LA.  I have to say if I could live vicariously through someone sometime, it might be Laura.  She works for a magazine (I just imagine she's on the set of Devil Wears Prada everyday), has a cute little 1-bedroom apartment, snaps amazing photos, and goes to California every summer for a month.  Doesn't that sound kinda fun??

The weather wasn't really on our side, but Laura is a connoisseur of good lighting and managed to find a few slivers of light in between the lightning bolts to capture our little girl as she is at 2 years old.  Which, for last night, was a bit hyper, talky, and energetic.  Her hands & face were covered in dirt by the end and her hair was ultra-wispy.  

I know as her friend Laura always want to be at the top of her craft and felt the challenges of weather slightly disabled her ability to capture tons of good photos, but I know she's already captured some gems (she showed me). And the fact that she got some good ones of me & Greg in front of an orange wall -- well, you should know how I feel about that.  (Orange & green are my favorite colors, even if I wear blue & grey all the time.)

She has about 54,923,128 things to do before she heads to LA, so I don't expect to see the rest of her work for a while, but I'm satisfied with the sneak peak!  I'm not trying to put pressure on you Laura--you do yo' thang!!

And okay, if you're having questions still after the last post, let me point you to these posts:

Motherhood as a Mission Field

Parenthood: Worth every second (if you don’t need art supplies)

Just gives you some perspective after a [tough, hard, excruciating, etc] day.  You're not alone.  And I want you in this journey with me. We talk about the hard times because we need to, not because we're trying to scare you.  Trust me, it's worth it.

/Peace.

Why do people have kids?

pregnant with Mia
totally frightened, still totally clueless, but happy

This post is dedicated to the four friends I had the chance/time/opportunity to speak with after bible study tonight: AC, LH, SL & LA, in no particular order.

Out with Mia at 5 weeks,
feeling like champs for having survived

Why do people have kids? I have asked myself this before, once on a trip with my family in my early 20s when I was contemplating a lot of serious things.  I really wanted to know why so I asked my mom. I probably scared her half to death with that question, but she took it in stride and answered in her own way.  I also asked myself this question a few weeks after Mia was born.  At that point in time, I was having trouble finding the joy in childrearing and was seriously disillusioned as to why someone would ever want to repeat this experience.

And then, as a friend and I were discussing some of the challenges that can accompany a teething baby (sleepless nights, irritability--both for baby & mom, lack of personal time, etc.), another friend asked, "So why do you have kids?"  Her point being that this current discussion about all these unpleasant things really makes parenting look like no walk in the park and why anybody would want to proceed with it after hearing all this seems insane.

I can relate to that question, I really can.  I mean, why would you want to do something like that? Why would you want to give up your free time, your sleep, your sanity, your late nights with your friends, or spouse, maybe even a piece of your independence or your career, for little children who cannot reason or think quite as well as you can and sometimes drive you to the breaking point??

All I could tell her, was that I knew what she was thinking and I'd been there, but what I have been learning in my grand 2 years of experience is that none of this lasts forever.  I used to think after I had Mia that I was trapped. I could never leave the house again, and if I did, I would not be enjoying myself because I'd be worried that she'd need me or something horrible would happen.  I used to think I'd never be able to hang out with friends or go out, because the timing of things interrupted the baby's current sleep schedule and I needed to honor that.  Or because she needed milk from me and I had to be physically present to provide it.  All that too, did pass. I also was afraid she'd never sleep through the night, or never go to sleep without bouncing.  While her sleeping is not 100% consistent, the bouncing actually did pass.  It now honestly seems like a distant memory but it took up sooooo much of our time in her first several months.


So why am I doing this again--having a child, that is?  There are a lot of reasons, and of course it's different for everybody.  Even though parenthood is not what I had put on my schedule for the calendar year 2009, it's what God put on my schedule and it was His time.  So, fight it as we might, we rolled with it.  Some of our reasons are practical -- this would be, in our minds, good spacing/timing for another baby now that Mia is here.  Some of our reasons are emotional -- we'd love to have another baby to love.  Some of our reasons are hard to describe or adequately put into words.  Being a parent, while totally more trying than any other thing I've ever had to do in my life, has given me more a sense of purpose and direction than anything ever has in my life.  So being in this place, while I occasionally wish to be somewhere else (alone, by myself, with my own thoughts and a bathroom door that I can close), this place is where I am.

I have quoted Ecclesiastes 3 before, and right now it is my mantra.  When I struggle with Mia's behavior, or I struggle with disappointment or discontent over various things, or worry about this/that, I have to remind myself, this is only for a time.  God did not designate me to be here in this place forever.  I was only a college student for a time.  I only worked at varying places for a time.  Greg & I were only just the two of us for a (very short) time.  And now we are here and trying, sometimes failing, but nonetheless trying, to make the most of it.  Why am I doing this? Because that's where I am.

I am so nostalgic at times, and I know in the future I will actually be nostalgic for these times, even though we have our bumps in the road.  I will be nostalgic for a little girl with fluffy blonde hair who sings her own songs and tries to convince us of things we know aren't exactly true (not that she's lying, she's just trying to exert her own independence).  I will be nostalgic for a baby in my belly who I can feel flutter and move around, even when that baby is Lord Willing pulling out my hair, teething, or not eating well.  I will be nostalgic for the times when I had less wrinkles in my face and smothered coconut oil into my dry pregnant skin when I've never been able to do that before in my entire life.  I will be nostalgic, so right now, I choose to remember, and to know that this is all for a time.



Why do I have kids?  Because it's where I am.  I didn't know that it could, but it makes me a better person.  So this is what we do...and it will only be for a time.

How do you answer this question?  When you think about where you are as a parent, how do you keep pushing forward?



And now, if you want your heartstrings tugged at country-style, listen to this Darius Rucker (Hootie and the Blowfish, anyone?) song called, "It won't be like this for long":

On Being Thoughtful

When I was a little person (let's say 10 years old), I used to spend a lot of time by myself thinking.  This was right around when our family moved into a new house in a new neighborhood and I didn't have any friends yet.  Cue lots of self-reflective time for an already slightly analytical girl.  This was also around the time I decided to perm my hair like my best friend from elementary school (JH), which proved to be a mistake going into the 5th grade.  Thankfully, a new friend emerged (EM) and helped me muster through the beginning of the Awkward Years.

From Me & Jackson, my little brother buddy

From displaying awkwardness in its finest

Anyhoo, the whole point of this is about being thoughtful.  At the ripe young age of 10 years old, I remember taking a walk and thinking that I was a pretty thoughtful human being. I thought about how I thought about other people's feelings and how I tried to take that into consideration when dealing with someone else (metacognition, already?!) and how people have preferences and how to honor those, etc.  I was reflecting on myself and thought I did a pretty good job.  Apparently I had a lot of self-confidence at that time too...

These days, I don't have quite as much mental free time as I did when I was ten years old and subsequently, sometimes I don't find myself being as thoughtful.  Being thoughtful takes preparation and it means more than just a last minute text message that says, "Sorry I forgot, but happy birthday!!"  They say it's the thought that counts but sometimes it's also the medium.  Or the timing.  Or the wording.  Sometimes my thoughts are too late, poorly executed, or miscommunicated.

I could blame it on being pregnant, but whenever I do remember something important, or plan in advance and have a bag of cookies to give a friend when she helps me out, I register it in my mind as an act of thoughtfulness, and it spurs me on to the next one, and I feel good about being less involved in myself.  Some people are just really thoughtful, and it seems like they always have it together.  I would venture to say that they are perhaps less self-centered and more aware of the greater picture and their purpose and organized enough so they can be more prepared for unexpected events (or last minute reminders).  I want to be like that!!

How do you find yourself being thoughtful?  What aids you in this? What is the most thoughtful thing someone has done for you lately??

"Mommy wears pants too"

Mia likes to note if other people do the same thing she does, so if Mia puts on pants, and I'm wearing pants (okay, usually I am, if not shorts or a skirt!), she'll say, "Mommy wears pants too."
"Yes, mommy wears pants."  Even if these particular pants don't fit very well anymore.

This is where I am in the stage of pregnancy.  I've worn an overabundance of dresses this week because that's what fits and for a while felt like I was moonlighting as the Duggars (I do love 'em), but I've finally caved and asked a few friends if I could borrow their summer maternity clothes. I never got to the point with Mia where I needed a lot of warm-weather maternity clothes as her due date was at the end of April and I could still comfortably wear jeans or yoga pants.

So, here's to a summer of trying to figure out what to wear and trying not to bust a lust over the catalogs DownEast Basics sends me.  In time, in time.  This is of course all for a good cause!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

Yesterday was my 18 week appointment.  We were to have the full anatomy scan (typically done around this point or at 20 weeks, halfway through the pregnancy) and an appointment with the doctor.  At this ultrasound, the ultrasound technician scans the baby's full body from head to toe, takes measurements, and checks out all the internal organs, the placenta and blood flow.  If the baby is cooperative, by this point the sex can be determined.  If there is only one ultrasound a woman has during her pregnancy, this is usually it.

Greg had shared with me previously that he didn't want them to share the sex with us at the appointment.  WHAT???  You don't want to know the sex?  I got a little ahead of myself.  Actually what he meant was that he wanted them to check the sex, but not share it at the time, and write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope so we could open it up later on our terms, in his mind, preferably on a nice date. :P

He asked the technician if she could do that and she obliged, and at the point when she was checking down there, she had us close our eyes, printed off a picture, and wrote it down and put it in a sealed envelope for us to open later at our own discretion.

The rest of the ultrasound went well and it was quick!  She said the measurements were right on track and the baby was about 8 ounces.  Our appointment with the doctor was not for about 45 more minutes, so the technician suggested we walk across the street to the hospital (where we'll be birthing) and grab something at a cafe.  I had never been inside TGH so I really wanted to see what it looked like and get a feel for it.   (Let me add that Mia was with a friend and her kids at a vacation bible school while this was happening!)

Greg & I walked across the street and found they have a Starbucks inside (what?!) and even though it was in a hospital with totally artificial lighting and none of the scenery that usually accompanies a Starbucks (not your idyllic setting), it was a Starbucks nonetheless, we were by ourselves, and we could enjoy a cup of coffee (or in my case, chai tea).  We hypothesized as to what we thought the baby was.

Before we got pregnant, we sort of envisioned ourselves with another little girl.  When that's what you start with, sometimes that's what you think you'll continue getting.  After we got pregnant, I did what some might call silly calculations and tried to figure out the sex myself -- but I was still very up in the air about my "calculations".  My acupuncturist even gave it a guess based on pulses and ancient Chinese medicine.  In the back of my mind though, I was telling myself to be prepared if it was a boy, because it very well could be, and even though it wouldn't be a sister for Mia, it'd still be something very cool.
As the pregnancy progressed, I noticed I did feel a little different, and the baby's heartrate was usually in the 140s where Mia's was usually in the 150/160s.  There's a myth that a higher fetal heartrate indicates girl, and lower indicates boy.  All of this, and a little "bud" we saw on the 12 week ultrasound (which is still not indicative at that point) had me guessing boy. My gut was just telling me boy.

So while we realized the hospital Starbucks was not the most romantic setting to open this sealed envelope, we also realized this might be the only time we have together with just the "two of us" for quite a while, so we might as well take advantage of it.

We opened up the envelope, and it said...

IT'S A BOY!

It's a boy!  We knew it.  Even though pre-pregnancy, we thought girl, I think if it had said girl we would've been more surprised than we were yesterday, because this baby just felt "boy" to me.

Dwell Studio Circles Crib Bedding

Greg's pumped and I'm excited.  Mia thinks that mommy, daddy and Mia all have babies in her tummy and is still figuring out this whole baby thing.  My mom has already bought this baby boy some clothes.  And I've started thinking about how we'll need to de-girlify the nursery (which started off with a gender-neutral palette) to make it more masculine for a boy.

The doctor's appointment went very well.  We met with an ARNP, who was super peppy, fast-talking, and very informative.  She was actually really reassuring as well.  She had looked over the ultrasound report and confirmed everything looked good, she said my weight gain was on track, my fundal measurement was appropriate, and that my blood pressure was fine too.  So basically, she reassured me that everything I'd been worried about was just fine.  I had asked her about some questions I had about labor & delivery, and she told me to write up a birth plan (which I had already started doing!) and to put all my preferences on there.  She told me to ask for the rooms with the labor tubs and then gave us some helpful information about baby boys.
When Greg & I left the appointment, we felt even more at ease and kind of wondered even if she weren't able to deliver the baby, it'd be great to have her for the rest of my prenatal appointments.  So, I wonder if we'll be able to see her more.  She was just good.

She did her own hair.  And switched our drinks.

It was a busy but blessed day.  I finally picked up Mia from VBS, stopped in at friend's house, and then Mia & I grabbed a quick lunch at Jimmy John's.  Maybe it's because she grabbed some of my tea, but Mia didn't settle super easily for her nap, so this is where she finally ended up...

Sleeping on Mommy & Daddy's bed

and she slept there for about 2 hours.  

We've had such a busy week with VBS & running here and there that now we're a little behind on groceries & meal-planning.  It's time to go to the store and perhaps call on some businesses that we're hoping might donate to the Scout Benefit Concert.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out the link!  The concert is this Saturday night, doors open at 7 and the show starts at 7:30!

PEACE.