Loving life, backtracking & all...

We trail blaze every now and then, only to fall off the trail and break twigs and try to figure out our way back.  Toddler Boot Camp was becoming quite effective and Greg & I were noticing serious positive changes until last weekend, when I noticed Mia becoming a tad more clingy and then BAM--fever strikes.
After the fever spiked, then settled, the nasal congestion came on, and while Greg, Mia & I were all struggling in the sleep department, we were popping Aconite, Belladonna, or Pulsatilla, and downing teaspoons of Black Elderberry Syrup (say whaaaat??) trying to keep our immune systems afloat and manage the disarray that occurs between a weekend of sleepiness & snot.  And hey--it worked!  We're all still a bit tired but no one is down & out, thankfully.

Except that Toddler Boot Camp needs a reboot.  No pun intended.  It's fine.  This is what happens. You learn something, apply it, make it work, and then life hits you in the face with a fever, or a new baby, or what have ye, and you readjust.  This.is.how.we.do.

So, while life has been generally tame--I find my mounting to-do list makes me thankful for things to do as opposed to being bored out of my mind and twiddling my thumbs--there is always something to keep  me on my toes.  Namely Mia. ;)

Baby boy is good. He's doing his thing, moving around, having hiccups, switching sides and keeping me occupied when I can't sleep at 2 in the morning.  He threw a dance party for me last night when I had some ice cream, and he's really giving me and Greg a run for our money in the name department.  We have three solid names...first & middle...but can't decide on which on any given day. It's very temperamental.  While the rest of the world won't know until the day he is born as we plan to keep it a secret, maybe we won't either, because we just can't settle.

And there ye have it.  Tomorrow = 31 weeks.  Doing the countdown.

What happens when Mia sets the table

Playing "This Little Piggy" with cousin Abby

30 weeks

Bring it on, September.

Tough Lessons in Parenting...and Tough Love

Which teachers did you like the best growing up?  Those who let the whole class get away with everything, had no boundaries, and never were able to get much accomplished? Or those who had strict rules, which they enforced, and had high expectations of your behavior and output? What about the teacher who let you know the boundaries, and let a little bit of his/her spunky/sweet personality shine through--the teacher you hated to disappoint?
I think my favorite teachers were the latter two.  I needed a little bit of both in my life as a student or an athlete and while at first I may have despised the super strict teacher--once I figured him/her out, we often worked well together.  (I am thinking of a particular cross-country & track coach in this scenario.)

When it comes to parenting, there can be quite the number of differences between what you would do as a parent and what you would do as a teacher, but the similarities can also be astounding.  Having only ever taught one freshmen-level college class, and doing guidance lessons here & there as a counselor, I would say my teaching skills are mostly limited to the kindergarten Sunday school class I've participated in over the past 5-ish years so I don't have the most experience in this arena.

However, sometimes I wish I had stepped into the foray of teaching for just a little bit longer so that I would have a few more tools in my arsenal for how to appropriately set limits for a young one.

How much you change...and teach us
within such a short period of time!
(June 2010)

Without realizing it, I had unintentionally made our home a battle zone for Mia.  I let her choose and dictate many trivial choices--things that didn't seem like they mattered--until it was time for me to make certain decisions for her and I realized she "wasn't having it," i.e., throwing a major tantrum.  Of course, this is flustering and beyond irritating when the wee one strikes out, but it's also a personal blow when you realize you are mostly to blame for the outcome. I should add at this point that both Greg & I parent a little bit differently, and it's usually me she pushes the most (so it seems).

Sleep always has been a war zone for her and us. We've drawn lines many times before, and found success, only to let something creep in that sets us back several stages.  Especially at naptime.  As I said before, she puts up more of a fight with me at naptime than she does with Greg at bedtime.  Now that I'm pregnant, however, and due within the next three months(!), it is imperative that we press the "reset" button on a few of these areas so that life for everyone in our household will hopefully be a bit easier to manage especially when there's one more added to the mix.

I was on the verge of desperation yesterday, and posted for some advice in a Christian moms group I'm apart of on Facebook.  The responses I received were humbling...and encouraging.  It was the type of tough love I didn't want to but needed to hear (and had heard before -- you were right, Mommo)!  Oh, won't that be satisfaction when your child is old enough to tell you that you were right about something? In due time, methinks.

It's only been ONE day, and lest I get ahead of myself I know that all we can work with is today and I shan't set myself up for unlikely expectations, but Mia is getting a dose of tough love, and it's doing something!  And I'm gaining the confidence that this is the right thing for her. The simple things of choosing which cups, or what outfits, or how many options she has at nap time are dwindling.  It appears that by loosening the reins with her--which as I said, seemed okay at first--has really backfired on our locus of control and stability in the home.  And who doesn't need some shalom in the home?  How many times have I actually wished for SuperNanny or a parenting expert to be able to step in and give me real-time advice.  Now I have it and we're moving forward.

Summer 2011

If there's one piece of advice I could give to mommies with babes younger than mine, it is to hold your ground and set boundaries early on, even if they seem unnecessary at the time.  It's easier to give in or tweak a boundary than it is to try take something back.  I would say thus far I've been pretty nonchalant about various aspects of parenting, save a few areas.  It fits me and I like to be easy-going.  However, I have realized for a young child, boundaries and limits are what set the stage for feeling secure and confident and knowing who is in charge.  Knowing "Who's the Boss" is not just 80s TV trivia...it should be a life lesson.  There may be those who respectfully disagree; it doesn't fit your parenting or child development philosophy and you and your child are succeeding just fine as is, and that's wonderful.  But I have learned that for our tough cookie, this is what we all need.

If I could, I wish I could download to my brain, Matrix-style, the parenting skills from the following books, among others:

The Strong Willed Child
Raising Girls
Parenting by the Book
Love & Logic


There's quite a lot going on in my brain right now: personal work I need to attend to; home projects; setting up Mia's bedroom and continuing to prepare for a new baby; considering potty-training(?), etc.,  that reading parenting books feels like extra work.  I'd honestly rather surf the internet or read birth stories than do that.  Or take a nap, let's be honest.  But I need it.  So, if you think of it, share any encouragement you've had with your own children or others about setting limits and being firm, and how that worked out for you.  Knowing others have done it and that I can do it--is truly half the battle in my mind.

Thank ye.  We're much obliged to your kindnesses.

"Welcome to the Real World"

I didn't realize this until yesterday, when Greg pointed it out, but pretty much from birth to adult life, we are told by our parents and authority figures (teachers, administrators, people who care & some who don't), that we are learning these so-called "tough lessons" now so that we'll be better able to handle the future.  It doesn't stop once you get to the next level, either.  He pointed this out as I was telling Mia the reason Mommy & Daddy were being so authoritative with her was so that she would have an easier time with friends and when she goes to school (I'm sure that reason really convicted her as she sat in timeout last night).  I was saying something along the lines of, "Mia, the reason Mommy & Daddy put you in timeout or ask you to do these things is so that you will understand there are boundaries and when you cross them, there can be consequences.  If we didn't do these things, you'd have a hard time at school or playing with friends as you get older or in LIFE."

School's in, for LIFE
Photo Credit

Greg said it reminded him of the lines he used to hear in school from his teachers.  Like in middle school, "It is important you figure this out now, because when you get to high school, there won't be so many opportunities!"
 
And then when you are in high school, your teachers tell you, "In college, they're not going to care who you are or where you're from, you need to get your work turned in and study, because no one's going to give you exceptions."

And then when you are in college, your professors, advisors, and teacher assistants tell you to suck it up, because in the real world, this is how it is and no one cares if you're upset because you can't find your bunny (or your dream spouse, house or job, what have ye) ... learn how to deal with it and move on.

It's not always pleasant to hear these words, but it's true and it's for our benefit.  We have to learn some of the tough stuff early on so we can better deal.  I'm not suggesting we purposely make our lives (or our children's) more difficult, or that we don't deal with them lovingly, but as much as I want to shield Mia from discipline that is no fun for everyone, it is for all of our benefits.  Unruly children, freaked, stressed-out parents...the combination is less peaches n' cream and more like rotting potatoes.  When you  discover the cause, you're a bit disappointed you let the potatoes get to the point, and embarrassed by the smell.

So, yesterday was that day for us.  All's well that ends well (right???), but there was a point (or several points, I should say) during the day where we thought, "She must be getting this by now. She has to be." And then the behavior would resume.  *Sigh*  The days when Greg works from home are a mixed bag: he gets to eat all his meals with us, avoid the commute, and enjoy the "comforts" of home, all the while Mia acts up even more and requires more attention from the both of us.  Needless to say, we were a bit exhausted last night!!

Hip flexors
Photo Credit

In other parts of our world, I'm 27 weeks and almost to the 3rd trimester.  Still unbelievable.  Just this past week, I've started to feel more tired than I recall feeling last time, and my hips have been quite sore. I went to one of my trusty chiropractors [yes, I have 2: one I saw before & while I was pregnant with Mia which is who(m?) I saw yesterday; and a geographically closer family friend whom we all see more often since Mia's birth] and he explained it was probably my hip flexors which go from my belly to the tops of my legs.  When I go from a seated flexed position to standing up, it takes a while for those hip flexor muscles to warm up and I feel stiff.  I'm blaming this on a growing uterus & baby and hoping my muscles catch up soon, because there's really no time to slow down.  It just means whenever I stand up, I do the pregnant waddle for a few steps until it eases up.

Next week, Mia & I are taking a little girls trip to Northern Indiana to visit my parents. We planned this trip over a month ago and I thought the end of August would take forever to get here and now it is almost upon us.  I'm excited to go, but hopeful even with just a direct flight I can manage all the luggage & a 2 year old who likes to say, "Mommy, hold you!" Whatever happens, we'll figure it out.

Alright, onward & upward, right?  Time to eat breakfast....