Zoom Zoom Zoom

Somehow, and I really haven't figured this one out yet, but somehow, we've crept up to 9 months. Today, my little baby boy is 66% of the way through his first year and has almost matched his time time in the womb with his time outside the womb (38 weeks).  It just keeps on zoomin'.

Because of the time of the year, I am reminded about what I was up to about this time last year. It's just how I do.  We were still prepping for this baby boy.  We were still hunting for clothes and things that he would make his own, that would somehow define "Gabe." Now that he's been here so long (!), he no longer needs definition.  He's just such a sweet, happy, cuddly little boy. I'm not sure I want him to grow up.

Mia, on the other hand, well, she is growing up a bit too fast too.  She's always hung out on the small side, but I do declare her limbs seem to be growing at an incredibly fast rate as far as I can tell.  Whenever I check on her sleeping in her room, I see more of a little girl and much much less of a baby. I also realize I need to stop calling her a toddler.  She is NOT a toddler anymore. She's a little girl.

She is also picking up more conversational tidbits and types of humor in her daily dialogues.  "Mommy, I really want you to do this, okay?" (Wonder where she heard that line??)  She even did a mashup of "be careful little hands what you do" with "if you're happy and you know it."  Girl's got a melodic brain, that's fo' sure.  And I love that she's just a little bit silly.

I have a friend who is constantly reminding me to enjoy these times with them as they're little, because it goes by too fast.  As they get older and become more and more independent, Greg and I have been able to enjoy a few more outings with just the two of us, but it's just a tad bizarre to realize Mia is already the older sister telling the babysitter or family member where things are, or how we do things, and Gabe is the little guy falling asleep on someone else at bedtime. It's just a tad bittersweet.

It's Olympic time and we've been watching some of the events with Mia, which has prompted some gymnastic-like moves from her, and a new wardrobe ensemble.

Monday morning, while Greg was getting ready for work, Mia appeared in our room donning this outfit saying she was doing gymnastics.  The imagination is already flowing and it's crazy to see what they pick up on and how inventive they become to make something happen.
(She also called the rainbow rice above "pepper" and pretended she was mashing potatoes. Methinks just a few Paula Deen episodes have influenced these pretend-moments.)

There are definitely some days that drive me up the wall, when I think we've completely lost our marbles (and in many cases, we probably have), but we're zooming on through. Fakin' it...till we make it.

Chronicles of a Stay-at-Home-Mother

Sophie the Giraffe
Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Chronicles of a Stay-at-Home-Mother
Subtitle: Things Fall Apart & Things Come Together

Somedays, I sit back and listen to my inner voice about the things that I celebrate and the things that I loathe and can only make fun of myself.  So sad about losing Sophie the Giraffe teething toy to someone else at Target?  Thrilled that my daughter is potty-trained, and so excited when we hear her tinkle?  Excited about the many opportunities surfacing to now make healthy freezer cooking meals?
Seriously, who am I?  A SAHM (stay-at-home-mom), that's who I am.

Lest I start to get cynical and think these things aren't valuable or worthwhile, I remind myself, they are:

Sophie was an investment I made in faith. Firstly, that buying a famous rubber teething toy that hails from France wouldn't result in my flying around the story like a willy-nilly trying to find her in every crook and cranny and calling guest services more than once to inquire about her, but alas, when she was no longer seen in Gabe's carseat cozily tucked in next to him, that's exactly what I did.  Also, she was great for Gabe to chew on.  Good investment, that unfortunately someone else is now banking on...

That's not Mia.Photo credit: life123.com

Now, as you (should) know, potty-training is a life skill.  Think about how many times a day you use the bathroom (or...don't), and thank your parents or some other kind individual that they taught you how to control this bodily function.

Freezer Meals
Photo Credit: apartmenttherapy.com

And freezer meals*....huzzah! To not have to worry about how I'm going to make dinner every night  -  I mean, the proverbial "what's for dinner?" question would never again send me into hysterics.


Now, to get back to Downton Abbey before the kids wake up (yeah right).



*Other healthy real food options for freezer cooking that I've recently found:
Health Home & Happiness Grain-free Freezer Cooking
Once a Month Mom - Whole Foods menu (they also have gluten-free & dairy-free menus too!)

My experiences with a birth doula...

Recently, I was asked to provide a reference for the birth doula I used for both Mia and Gabe. Partly for my own benefit (I love to write and chronicle events), and partly for my brain's benefit so I could reduce my experiences down into an actual reference letter, I spit out the story of how I met my doula (most likely will be released as a sitcom, sometime...never).  You can read all about it...here (editor's note, because it spans about 3 year's time, 'tis a tad lengthy):

Just a little biographical history first...
In early winter 2008, I went with my friend in nursing school to a special screening of “The Business of Being Born” at USF.  I went with her out of simple curiosity. I wasn’t pregnant nor was I expecting to be anytime soon, and I was not particularly opinionated about it. However, while watching the film, I began to realize how amazing and powerful giving birth could be, if surrounded by the right people and in the right environment. Then and there, I decided that whenever it might be my time to bring life into the world, I would do what I could to have it be as peaceful and empowering as I saw it could be.
After the screening, there was a panel discussion with OBs, nurses, midwives and doulas. I remember listening to one of the doula groups there and thinking, “If I ever got pregnant, I think I’d want her to be my doula.”  It was a woman with a mild Southern accent and fierce blue eyes.  i just preserved these thoughts until the time came...

Little did I know, about 8 months later I’d be finding out I was pregnant and expecting our first child.  After switching from a regular OB/GYN office to a local birth center, I began educating myself even more on how to best succeed at natural childbirth, particularly as a first-timer.  I saw handouts in the lobby at the birth center about doulas, so one day at an appointment, I asked the midwife whom she recommended, and she referred me to Touched by an Angel. It was her immediate response and so I called the number on the brochure, got in touch with Stefany (the “other” Stefany who owned TBA at the time), and within days, she and Stephanie were at my door, ready to meet me and my husband, go over any questions we had, and share with us their practice, plans and procedures.

As soon as I opened the door to the two Stephanies, I realized these were the exact women I had observed only a year earlier at the screening of the Business of Being Born. It could not have been more providential, I thought!  And the Stephanie with the Southern accent was the doula I was going to be using, after my husband and I confirmed we did want to work with them. Thus, our working relationship began.

My experience with Stephanie was and has been tremendous. I relied on her for the rest of my pregnancy in answering lots of questions I had, preparing myself for childbirth, and utilizing her knowledge of natural medicine to combat some of the late-term pregnancy issues I encountered: high blood pressure, leg cramps, dizziness, etc.  She assisted myself and my husband greatly one night as I thought I was preeclamptic. She stayed calm and directed us to go straight to the hospital, where we were checked out, and thankfully determined to not be preeclamptic.  She was with us each step of the way and seemingly always available via text or a phone call.  I still doubted myself quite a bit in the beginning as a first time mom; I questioned my ability to be able to birth naturally, but Stephanie never questioned it.  It was like she knew I’d be able to do it, but she also knew and gently reminded me that should things change, it was all within the realm of “we can handle this, and that will be okay.” There was never any shame or insistence that to deviate from our preferred plan meant failing.  It was a great balance between having a calm, confident assurance while also staying flexible to the ever-changing needs during pregnancy, labor & delivery.
When it came to the real labor day, Stephanie was a real asset to both me and my husband.  Once we realized things were actually happening, she came over to our house and observed me for a while, much of the time interacting with my husband to get a sense of how I’d been doing and what he had seen -- this was a big help for him as well as he had obviously never attended a birth. She helped us determine when it was time to get to the birth center and followed us there. While there, she remained a calm, gentle but assertive presence, ever determined to help me get my labor in the right direction. We spent hours walking, squatting, hovering over a toilet, in the bathtub (the last two, of course, I did by myself!), working together, with my husband as well, to get my baby ready for her debut.  She watched my physical cues and also knew when I needed to eat, drink, or take a breather.  

When it was finally time to push, both my husband and I were a little overwhelmed at the realization our baby girl was about to enter the world.  Because we were at the birth center, she was able to provide us with different tinctures and natural remedies to help us handle all the emotions that can accompany labor. She gave me Skull Cap, and him Rescue Remedy (I believe) to help him handle the emotional stress so that he could help me get through the pushing.
Within minutes, our baby girl was born, and she was there to help us with latching and all the components that follow after a delivery.  Her job was not over yet.  Far from it.

There were some unique things about our birth that required extra attention--things you can never predict. Our baby was born at a very low birth weight--unfortunately too low for the birth center to allow us to go straight home with our baby. She had to be seen by a doctor that very night, so we had no choice but to take her to the hospital.  She and the midwife helped us work with a hospital to figure out where to take her, and she kept in touch with us throughout the night as we were there at the hospital.  Since she was so small, she made recommendations as to what to do to help her eat and feed, and she came over the next day to help me with latching.  It took a few days but eventually, everything was ruled out for our baby girl and we were able to take her home and start our new lives as parents.  

Technically, you are given as much emotional and physical support as you need from your doula, during your pregnancy, delivery, and the first 6 weeks after.  
I found her support to be much more lasting than that.  

Again, unexpectedly, two weeks after our child was born, I found my leg to be in a lot of pain.  I had also been dealing with back-to-back rounds of mastitis. I really was pretty miserable and feeling pretty guilty over my postpartum situation. A low birth weight baby, breastfeeding problems on top of infections, and now my leg hurt so bad I couldn’t walk very well. I desperately wanted things to get figured out and be okay. I told Stephanie what I was experiencing and she encouraged me to get checked out soon by the midwives. Based on what my chiropractor had said there was suspicion I had a blood clot, but I didn’t really understand what it all meant at the time.  The midwives surmised this as well, and within hours, I had an ultrasound on my leg, which confirmed a deep vein thrombosis.  This was utterly surprising as my only “risk factor” was the fact that I had been pregnant. I did not meet other typical characteristics of those who had blood clots. However, Stephanie has special experience in this area, because she herself has a blood disorder (APS) and she knew all the precautions I needed to take. After that experience, which I sought medical treatment for, I consulted with Stephanie on all the things I should take to build my immune system and naturally thin out my blood. She was a warehouse of knowledge I wouldn’t have had access to if it weren’t for the fact that she had been my doula.
Because of her, I feel like I was able to turn my health around I began to rely more and more on her for treatments to even everyday issues like stomachaches, baby fevers, and diet consultation.  It was truly a lifesaver.  

Without a doubt I knew if we got pregnant again, I’d be calling Stephanie.  And so we did.

Our second time around, we knew we would be in the hospital because of my history with a blood clot.  I was even more jazzed about using Stephanie because I knew she had an arsenal of experience in hospital settings and had even more knowledge now because of her nursing training.  She had also completed a course in Kangaroo Kare, which helps mom and baby bond immediately after birth, thus improving breastfeeding success rates.  This was highly important to me as I really struggled with this the first time around.  

Throughout my pregnancy, I regularly texted with Stephanie about my dr’s appointments, the various doctors I’d met with, my medication regime, any ongoing issues I was experiencing, like nausea, heartburn or the like, and she was always available to chat with me or give me suggestions. We’d really built a good relationship by this point in time.  
We met with her again to discuss our birth plan, go over our remaining questions (and since we were having a hospital birth, we still had a lot!) and talk about how we anticipated the “birthday” to go.  

Before we knew it, it was go-time. I had kept Stephanie in the loop, so she knew that there was a possibility I could deliver early, and sure enough, I did.  
As I started my labor, I let her know what was happening, and just like she had done before, she came over to observe me and it didn’t take long for her to know that it was time to make our way to the hospital. She rubbed a special labor oil on my belly before we left and then followed us in her car and was ready to meet us at TGH.
Her familiarity with the hospital and its staff made a big difference as she was able to advise us on what to do and how to handle things, and their familiarity with her allayed any fears I had about bringing a doula to the hospital.

Things went just as smoothly as they had before, even with my inexperience with the hospital birthing system.  The great thing about Stephanie is she keeps her cool and remains calm no matter what. Once we were past triage, Stephanie helped me figure out how to get back into what I call the “labor zone.”  She suggested getting into the labor tub in our hospital bathroom, dimmed the lights and even provided soothing birthing music, which eased my transition back into focusing on labor. For the next few hours, she and my husband just provided emotional and some physical support as I moved around in the tub, sat on the toilet, and waited for the doctor to check me again.  Although I don’t remember this, she told me later she reapplied labor oil to my belly again during the middle of my labor.

While your body sort of takes control in labor, it is nice to have someone there as a guide or source of knowledge for comfort and reassurance.  When the doctor came in later, he checked me and said my bag of waters was still intact and I was 8cm dilated, but fully effaced.  He gave me two options: break my bag of waters and labor would probably speed up right away, or let it break on its own, and wade through labor possibly a couple hours longer.  I asked him for a minute to consult with Stephanie and my husband, and discussed the pros & cons with her.  Having her there for a reality check and a quick discussion (is this risky? is this okay?) helped me confidently make the decision to have my waters broken.

Within minutes, I was ready to push. And minutes after that, my baby was born! It was an incredible experience and I was so delighted to have succeeded again in a natural delivery with minimal intervention.  She helped me and my husband get ready for and excited about delivering again, she was a positive force in the labor and delivery room as we worked through distractions and needed energy and focus during the pushing, and she guarded me and my new baby “like a hawk,” to ensure that bonding and breastfeeding was able to happen smoothly after delivery.
I held my baby for at least an hour after he was born, and delayed the newborn bath and assessment. I wanted to get to know him as much as possible and improve our chances at breastfeeding success as much as possible, and Stephanie’s assistance with that made a strong impact.  Latching on is a little difficult for my babies at first, but it eventually happened and I’m thankful to report he is a great breastfeeder at 6 months. 

Once again, I was thankful for her presence and assistance.  She checked in on us at home days later to see how everything was going, and this time they were going even better than they were with our first baby.
I still rely on her for various tips, homeopathic remedies, and natural healthcare consultation (all via text)! I love that we have formed a relationship that now spans over 3 years and has helped me grow as a mother.  If you’re looking for someone that knows the ins and outs of the medical system, hospitals, has attended numerous births of all kinds (home, birth center, hospital, cesareans), and is a reliable, dependable, punctual and extremely knowledgeable resource, then I wholeheartedly recommend Stephanie as your doula!

Growing into The Mommy Life

A couple of weeks ago I ran into a former acquaintance from FC and while we were talking, she paused and asked me, "So, tell me, do you love being a mom?" and for the first time in a while I didn't hesitate to say, "Yes, I do!" I still have problems admitting that at times; there's an internal fight with the Megan of yesteryear and the Megan that I am today.  You see, it wasn't so long ago I didn't think mothering would be in the cards for me...

When I look back at my youth, I sometimes think I thought too much and I thought about all the things moms "have" to do, and to be honest, I looked at my own mom's life and thought, "Wow, everyday, it's the same thing." Not that my mom didn't do it joyfully, because to be honest, I never really saw her complain.  But it was up in the morning, getting the kids going, cleaning up the kitchen, doing laundry, paying bills, running errands, shuffling kids (I guess since we were all spaced out it wasn't always all 4 of us at once!), making dinner, cleaning the kitchen again and if she was lucky, sitting down for a minute.  As a feeble-minded youth, I just didn't see the fun in it.  And of course, I was selfish. More of self, and less of Thee.  I was immature.

And then (I know I talk about it frequently but to blog is semi-therapeutic and I'm constantly reevaluating this, since it's been the biggest catalyst in my life for change), after I realized there are a few good men out there--aside from family members and good-friends-who-were-boys that I just couldn't fathom settling down with--and Providence landed me with Greg, I figured we had a few more years before the childbearing began.  Hahahahahahaha.  God really laughed at that plan, just as he laughed at my plan to finish my grad school internship right after we got married so that we would only be a single-income family for about one college semester.  Looking back I figured there was a purpose for that setback, to not be in school full-time, or not be interning, or not be earning any real money.  I didn't know when I'd realize it or when I'd figure it out and I still don't know if I fully understand it all, but it taught me one thing.  My timing isn't always God's timing, even if it stinks.
Of course, when I did finally graduate, and got a job, and then almost immediately got pregnant, I think I really felt out-of-control.  The best laid plans oft go awry.  Could that not be a life statement for most of us??

When we lose our locus-of-control, often our "happiness" or internal contentment diminishes.  And this is what I think about often.  I didn't immediately enjoy motherhood because I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't think it was in the cards in the short-term future.  I was not in control.  I was not willing to accept what I thought I'd be giving up.  And do you know how hard that is to admit?  Aren't young Christian women supposed to yearn for the call of motherhood? Is it considered selfish to not desire that role instinctively or immediately?  Well at least for me, those instincts hadn't kicked on just yet.  It had nothing to do with my own mom or other mothers around me, yet I felt guilty for feeling that way, like I was offending their being.  Before we got married and talked about kids, I figured the desire to be a mom would grow the longer we were married.

And in the middle of all that, Mia was born, and her birth was great, really really great.  There's not a single thing I would change about that.  When I reflect on it, it was such a serene, peaceful and beautiful day when my world was literally rocked.  The day I became a mother.
But I can't change what all happened after that.  It was rough. Really really rough.  And having Gabe's birth experience and the days thereafter to compare with Mia's, I realize just how different things could have been, but weren't. I realize now why I wasn't immediately happy as a new mom.  I unfortunately had some lingering baby blues.  So, when you're asked that infamous question, "Don't you loooove being a mom?", I almost resented it.  How could you ask me that??  It hurt.  She's small. I feel guilty.  I can't figure out this breastfeeding thing. I feel guilty. I keep getting sick. Why won't I get better? And I have a blood clot. What's wrong with me?  Pounding. Pounding. Pounding.

It gave me little chance to bond with a tiny, precious baby girl who is growing up into a delightful, strong child.  And I just didn't know how to be.
Finally, though, I got back some sense of control.  I found some purpose and I found some structure.  I found a community, and God gave me a group of people with whom I could work along side and feel productive. I felt useful, even if I was in a totally different role than I'd planned.  And to this day, it is still a little embarrassing to admit all those feelings that I had, but as a former counselor, I know you need to honor those feelings, or at least let them pass through, many times in order to move on.  You don't have to act on the feelings and actually BE selfish toward your child, or drop your responsibilities and walk away, but you can acknowledge them, have your peace, and move on.  And that's what I'm doing. Which is why I think I am enjoying the mommy life.  It is the toughest, highest calling I've ever known.  But these two munchkins are my arrows that will eventually be getting ready to launch, and just as God does a work in me, I have a work to do in them.

Let me do right by them. 

I mean, seriously...

What am I supposed to do with this little guy??

I was shocked when I took him in for his 1 month appointment today and the scale said
9 lbs, 2oz.  He is 5 weeks old to the day and exactly 3 pounds heavier than he was at birth!

He's 21" long, and his head circumference was over 14".  Boy is GROWIN'.  He's around the 50th percentile for every measurement.  I was shocked but also proud. I wasn't sure how quickly he'd gain from exclusively breastfeeding as compared to Mia (because bottlefeeders--even with Mommy's milk--tend to eat more just because it's there) but he seems to be gaining just fine.

I wrote on Facebook that while we may produce lightweights at birth, our kids seem to gain quickly once they're earthside.  I'll have to check Mia's baby book but I'm pretty sure she gained around 3lbs during her first month too. What's crazy is lots of babies are born even bigger than Gabe is now, but it all evens out after a while.  Mia stepped on the scale while we were at the doctor's office (as I was quite curious) and she is 27 pounds.  She's more on the petite side for her age, but if you've seen her arms you know there's some chub and she's got some pudge to those cheeks.

It was legitimately cold for Florida this morning. I checked the temperature when Gabe woke up before 7 and it was 41°F.  We all got bundled up before we headed out the door and I wish I would've taken a picture of Mia. She was wearing a peacoat, her pink hat & mittens and was quite proud of her spiffiness.  Of course, it's 68°F now and quite pleasant...that's Florida in December for you!!

We've had such a busy day already that I'm so grateful both kids are actually napping -- no fights.  We had Gabe's appt at 9am, a bible study at 9:30 (but I didn't get there till 10 because of the appt), we grabbed lunch afterwards, and then Mia & I blew bubbles in the driveway before we came inside for naptime.  This reminds me of the days with Mia, pre-Gabe, where we'd go-go-go and then crash in the afternoons. 'Twas fun and it's nice to feel something reminiscent of that right now.

Mia with her friend Callie (left) at a playdate the other day //
very sweet little girls!

So, I'm just going to enjoy the quiet stillness on a sunny afternoon and catch you all later!

Life...as a family of 4.

Every time I have a moment to sit down and think about blogging, my mind essentially turns to mush. I had so much to organize and keep track of before Gabe was born and life seemed really interesting (to me, at least) with all that I had going on, and now life has simplified down to the bare necessities: are we all fed? Do we have clean clothes? Is the dishwasher unloaded, or running? Have I bathed recently?  Perhaps I make it all sound like we're in a crazy mad dash all the time, which we're not, but I've had far less time to just sit down and twiddle my thumbs.  For which I do not complain. I know in time, God willing, that personal free time will return. And I'll take what I can get, when I can get it.

3 weeks in with Mr. Gabe and life's been pretty good to us so far.  None of the rough starts that afflicted us with Mia have been present with Gabe, bless them hearts.  Gabe's only concern so far was slightly elevated bilirubin levels (threatening us with jaundice) right after he was born, which kept us all in the hospital about 2 extra days.  The mixed blessing in that was that I received extra lactation help, which has made a world of difference this time around when it comes to breastfeeding.  I struggled so much with that in the beginning with Mia, which led to my decision to exclusively pump for her.  I've not even touched a pump in over a week with Gabe, which has felt really nice.  There are times when I wish I could just hand him over to Greg and he give him a bottle so I could get a little more sleep in the middle of the night, but in some cases it's not worth the effort to go through all of that.  We're still working through the first few weeks of nursing, but all in all, we're very much off to a better start, for which I'm super thankful.

sleep: it's mostly what he do

Because that is going as it is, and we're not using bottles, in some ways I feel like I'm dealing with a newborn for the first time.  I often wonder--is he fully content and fed? Does he need me? Is he sleeping right now because he's full, or is he just taking a little break? With Mia, we gave her a bottle with approximate amounts based on what she seemed to need to consume, and that was that. There was very little question as to if she was full/hungry; anytime she cried hard we gave her a bottle and up she went gaining weight! And generally speaking, she'd go back to sleep with a little prompting.

Sleepwise, it is what it is.  Some nights are certainly better than others. He could sleep soundly all day quite easily, and tends to right now, feeding every 2-4 hrs, but at night, he is still figuring out how to consistently sleep longer stretches.  Let's just say I'm thankful it's a holiday weekend because with Greg home, I'm allowed to go back to sleep for another hour or two after Gabe wakes up for a morning feed, while he hangs with Mia.  During the week I do not have that luxury.

And speaking of luxuries, my mom was in town for the first week and a half that Gabe was home, and that made such a world of difference. I don't know how people survive without their families, communities, villages or tribes (whatever you want to call it).  I cannot fathom having a child without having the help of someone you inherently trust to assist you with the nitty gritty.  (This includes Greg as well, and those friends of mine who have *blessedly* seen me in unusually compromising positions! *points to certain hospital visitors*)

Mommo & Gabe

For essentially the first week and a half, Mia was taken care of, fed, bathed, napped, and entertained by either Greg or my mom. I was instructed not to lift her the first 2.5 weeks, which I was not expecting to hear!  It was emotionally hard to not be able to deal with Mia at certain times especially when she wanted mommy, but I was so thankful to have others around to attend to the situation and keep things rolling, keeping my stress levels low.

My parents were in town part of this week for Thanksgiving, so my mom went home and essentially turned around 5 days later, meaning I only had to be totally on my own for 3 weekdays.  It was not as rough an intro to life with 2 kids as I'd been fearing.  However, next week when everybody is gone, including Greg's parents, I might feel otherwise.  It'll be 5 straight days on my own!  That, my friends, seems a little bit scarier!

The most challenging parts of the day are usually at feeding times, when Mia all of a sudden wants mommy to hold her; naptime, if I'm not sure if Gabe is totally out and asleep and I'm trying to get Mia down; and right after naptime, when Mia tends to wake up as I'm feeding Gabe.  I think it's probably hard for her to often see mommy consumed by another baby, but right now, so much of my time is spent sitting in a chair "eating" Gabe (that's what Mia says instead of "feeding."  "Mommy, you eating Gabe?"  "Yes, I'm 'feeding' him.")

loving on her baby brother

Mia loves Gabe though, wants to hold him, burp him, give him his pacifier, and talk and play with him. She received a new Signing Time DVD this past week (about going to the potty! *thinking positive thoughts here*) and it showed some signs she already knew and she started putting Gabe's hands to his mouth to sign "eat".  It was so cute and I love that she already wants to get him involved in everything.  If she puts up a fight about anything, it's just about the attention she is not receiving 100% of from mommy and daddy anymore.


Before Gabe was born, I had a lot of concerns. I was nervous about his health, my health, his delivery, the postpartum period, dealing with all the changes that occur after one gives birth, and how I'd feel by Thanksgiving. I'm happy to say that many of my concerns were relieved as soon as he was born and things started moving on "normally." I'm happy to be normal in this case, for once, and not at any extremes.  I still have much ground to break when it comes to mothering two children, and getting into a groove with Gabriel and Mia, so I shant count my chickens before they've hatched, but I'm so grateful to God and to my tribe for seeing us through the first three weeks.  Yesterday we were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with both sides of the family including both sets of grandparents and nothing but good times accompanied our gatherings.  With Mia, I was very much of a Nervous Nelly for those first few weeks.  I figure that's probably a common first-time mom feeling and there's nothing I can do to change the past, but it makes me realize now how nice it is to just let things be and live in the moment, and not worry about every detail of the next 3 hours.  Just breathing is nice.

And now that Gabe is stirring, that's my cue.  Here a few pictures of Gabe meeting his other family members over the past week!

Gabe & Papa Jack

Gabe with Nana & Granddad

Sneaking in a picture of Mia with Uncle Jackson

Uncle Jackson & Gabe

Gabe happily asleep with Mommo & Papa Jack

Feeling the change

You'll have to excuse me if the next several posts are baby-related.  It's just where I am, and it's hard almost to think about anything else.  Getting ready for a baby is just one of the most life-changing things.  All these moments of preparation leading up to his arrival and the one day he's here, and you never go back to that side of life pre-baby again.  You just keep moving on.  Almost every day with Mia now I look at her and realize soon she won't be the only one.  There'll be one more.  I put her to bed tonight (usually Greg does but he was gone) and as I held her in the dark quiet room, I realized soon she won't be the only little person for whom I do this.  I also realized...I won't be sleeping quite as much anymore but let's not talk about that.  That's one aspect of new parenthood that can be quite hard to overcome but I think knowing it's coming and that I can cope (and that it "doesn't last forever") will help during the exhausting stages/phases.
I'm excited, I'm anxious, I'm overwhelmed (there's still so much to do!!).  And I might partially be in denial.

I had my 34 week appointment earlier in the week with a new-to-us doctor.  So far I'd met 5 out of the 8 doctors that deliver in my OB/GYN group and on Tuesday, we met the 6th.  We first had an appointment in sonography for another growth scan.  Little guy's looking good and is still on track.  I was a little anxious when they said his percentile had gone down a bit, but when we met with the doctor and they said they only really get concerned when the percentile is below the tenth, I really eased up.  (He's in the middle third of the bell curve, for what its worth.)
Back to the doctor, though...from all outside appearances, and by the amount of time we had spent waiting to see this doctor in the waiting room, Greg & I had lost hope of much of an exciting appointment.  Whether we want to admit it or not (and now I'll go on and admit it!), we make judgments based on appearances and this doctor was old, wiry-looking, and have a few funny mannerisms.  I didn't think he'd be very friendly.

However, he shook my hand, sat down, acknowledged this was our first meeting, greeted Greg, and then for the next 20-30 minutes, sort of explained how their practice works, made comparisons between now and 30 years ago (yeah, I guess he's been around that long!), explained what they do now for people of my situation, and what we could expect.  He really laid out the big picture for us, which I sort of had been missing the whole time, including things like why I have not seen a midwife for this pregnancy when they have midwives in the group (my risk level cancels me out from seeing them), and who I'll see on call, and how they figure out what the plan is for peeps like me and what all the additional monitorings really mean.  He was also warmly funny, making jokes about different things here and there and including Greg.
We left feeling very at ease and like he completely erased our preconceptions and as if it'd totally be okay if he delivered our baby when the time comes.

So, the plan is, weekly biophysical profiles until I deliver, and another growth scan in 4 weeks.  I was pleasantly surprised when he said they'd induce at 41 weeks, because I just assumed because of my Lovenox status they'd want to induce earlier, which would not be my preference unless medically indicated.  I'm hopeful and expectant and confident that God will send this baby down at the right time when he needs to come, and while he may not be 3 days early like Mia was, I trust God's timing.

I want to write more, but this is getting lengthy and there are a million other things I could do, so I'll conclude with a few pictures of the bambino for now!  Who is this guy?  And what will he be like??

Loving life, backtracking & all...

We trail blaze every now and then, only to fall off the trail and break twigs and try to figure out our way back.  Toddler Boot Camp was becoming quite effective and Greg & I were noticing serious positive changes until last weekend, when I noticed Mia becoming a tad more clingy and then BAM--fever strikes.
After the fever spiked, then settled, the nasal congestion came on, and while Greg, Mia & I were all struggling in the sleep department, we were popping Aconite, Belladonna, or Pulsatilla, and downing teaspoons of Black Elderberry Syrup (say whaaaat??) trying to keep our immune systems afloat and manage the disarray that occurs between a weekend of sleepiness & snot.  And hey--it worked!  We're all still a bit tired but no one is down & out, thankfully.

Except that Toddler Boot Camp needs a reboot.  No pun intended.  It's fine.  This is what happens. You learn something, apply it, make it work, and then life hits you in the face with a fever, or a new baby, or what have ye, and you readjust.  This.is.how.we.do.

So, while life has been generally tame--I find my mounting to-do list makes me thankful for things to do as opposed to being bored out of my mind and twiddling my thumbs--there is always something to keep  me on my toes.  Namely Mia. ;)

Baby boy is good. He's doing his thing, moving around, having hiccups, switching sides and keeping me occupied when I can't sleep at 2 in the morning.  He threw a dance party for me last night when I had some ice cream, and he's really giving me and Greg a run for our money in the name department.  We have three solid names...first & middle...but can't decide on which on any given day. It's very temperamental.  While the rest of the world won't know until the day he is born as we plan to keep it a secret, maybe we won't either, because we just can't settle.

And there ye have it.  Tomorrow = 31 weeks.  Doing the countdown.

What happens when Mia sets the table

Playing "This Little Piggy" with cousin Abby

30 weeks

Bring it on, September.

Tough Lessons in Parenting...and Tough Love

Which teachers did you like the best growing up?  Those who let the whole class get away with everything, had no boundaries, and never were able to get much accomplished? Or those who had strict rules, which they enforced, and had high expectations of your behavior and output? What about the teacher who let you know the boundaries, and let a little bit of his/her spunky/sweet personality shine through--the teacher you hated to disappoint?
I think my favorite teachers were the latter two.  I needed a little bit of both in my life as a student or an athlete and while at first I may have despised the super strict teacher--once I figured him/her out, we often worked well together.  (I am thinking of a particular cross-country & track coach in this scenario.)

When it comes to parenting, there can be quite the number of differences between what you would do as a parent and what you would do as a teacher, but the similarities can also be astounding.  Having only ever taught one freshmen-level college class, and doing guidance lessons here & there as a counselor, I would say my teaching skills are mostly limited to the kindergarten Sunday school class I've participated in over the past 5-ish years so I don't have the most experience in this arena.

However, sometimes I wish I had stepped into the foray of teaching for just a little bit longer so that I would have a few more tools in my arsenal for how to appropriately set limits for a young one.

How much you change...and teach us
within such a short period of time!
(June 2010)

Without realizing it, I had unintentionally made our home a battle zone for Mia.  I let her choose and dictate many trivial choices--things that didn't seem like they mattered--until it was time for me to make certain decisions for her and I realized she "wasn't having it," i.e., throwing a major tantrum.  Of course, this is flustering and beyond irritating when the wee one strikes out, but it's also a personal blow when you realize you are mostly to blame for the outcome. I should add at this point that both Greg & I parent a little bit differently, and it's usually me she pushes the most (so it seems).

Sleep always has been a war zone for her and us. We've drawn lines many times before, and found success, only to let something creep in that sets us back several stages.  Especially at naptime.  As I said before, she puts up more of a fight with me at naptime than she does with Greg at bedtime.  Now that I'm pregnant, however, and due within the next three months(!), it is imperative that we press the "reset" button on a few of these areas so that life for everyone in our household will hopefully be a bit easier to manage especially when there's one more added to the mix.

I was on the verge of desperation yesterday, and posted for some advice in a Christian moms group I'm apart of on Facebook.  The responses I received were humbling...and encouraging.  It was the type of tough love I didn't want to but needed to hear (and had heard before -- you were right, Mommo)!  Oh, won't that be satisfaction when your child is old enough to tell you that you were right about something? In due time, methinks.

It's only been ONE day, and lest I get ahead of myself I know that all we can work with is today and I shan't set myself up for unlikely expectations, but Mia is getting a dose of tough love, and it's doing something!  And I'm gaining the confidence that this is the right thing for her. The simple things of choosing which cups, or what outfits, or how many options she has at nap time are dwindling.  It appears that by loosening the reins with her--which as I said, seemed okay at first--has really backfired on our locus of control and stability in the home.  And who doesn't need some shalom in the home?  How many times have I actually wished for SuperNanny or a parenting expert to be able to step in and give me real-time advice.  Now I have it and we're moving forward.

Summer 2011

If there's one piece of advice I could give to mommies with babes younger than mine, it is to hold your ground and set boundaries early on, even if they seem unnecessary at the time.  It's easier to give in or tweak a boundary than it is to try take something back.  I would say thus far I've been pretty nonchalant about various aspects of parenting, save a few areas.  It fits me and I like to be easy-going.  However, I have realized for a young child, boundaries and limits are what set the stage for feeling secure and confident and knowing who is in charge.  Knowing "Who's the Boss" is not just 80s TV trivia...it should be a life lesson.  There may be those who respectfully disagree; it doesn't fit your parenting or child development philosophy and you and your child are succeeding just fine as is, and that's wonderful.  But I have learned that for our tough cookie, this is what we all need.

If I could, I wish I could download to my brain, Matrix-style, the parenting skills from the following books, among others:

The Strong Willed Child
Raising Girls
Parenting by the Book
Love & Logic


There's quite a lot going on in my brain right now: personal work I need to attend to; home projects; setting up Mia's bedroom and continuing to prepare for a new baby; considering potty-training(?), etc.,  that reading parenting books feels like extra work.  I'd honestly rather surf the internet or read birth stories than do that.  Or take a nap, let's be honest.  But I need it.  So, if you think of it, share any encouragement you've had with your own children or others about setting limits and being firm, and how that worked out for you.  Knowing others have done it and that I can do it--is truly half the battle in my mind.

Thank ye.  We're much obliged to your kindnesses.

Better. Much better.

Since Friday, unless my memory is serving me poorly, things have gone well with the Mia meister.  We've had our timeouts, our talks, our following-through, our good naps, and she's even done better drinking milk out of a cup, if even for 1/4 of the time.  (That's an altogether different subject, though!)

As I learn this parenting thing, I am reminded of the various teachers I encountered growing up.  Some were strict, some were way too lax, some were from another planet, and some were really good.  Even some of the strict ones were really good.  I think at first, you meet a teacher and think, "He/she seems cool, really easy-going, I think we're going to get along."  But then they either lose control of the classroom, or are "too cool," and not really acting like a teacher, and all the boundaries get messed up.  You're not sure who's running the classroom anymore.  From my very little experience in the classroom, I have found it is easy to go in that direction if you're not really sure where you're headed.  If you're unsure of what your goals are, or how you want your students to respond to you, you can easily be swayed by what seems cool or what will make you seem like a "friend."
That's when you're surprised when you're relieved to be in the strict/more controlled teacher's classroom. You know what to expect, there's order, and while you may receive discipline, *hopefully* it's fair across the board.  You do your work, you're recognized appropriately, you learn, and everyone moves on.

I have never really tried to define myself as a parent, and if you're unfamiliar, there are billions of labels that people attach to themselves as parents.  I haven't found the one for us that fits just yet.  Not even am I talking about crunchy or modern, or tiger mom or panda dad ... For right now though, for the stage Mia is in, I think we need to be more authoritative.  Not authoritarian, authoritative.  She learns from us who is the boss and who sets the rules.  In Marriage & Family class back at our dear FC, there were 3 types:
authoritarian (my way or the highway); authoritative; and passive (whatever goes).  Obviously as Dr. Dickey detailed these parenting types, authoritative stuck out as the winner.  From Wikipedia: "Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions."  And who doesn't want to be a winner?  I sure do.

And now for your viewing pleasure...this week's past pics:

Mia discovered her winter hat & mittens and
tried them on while also trying out her potty.
Have I mentioned how I have no clue how to potty train??

Busy day working from home for both Mia & Greg.
Glad she can put in a few hours here & there.

This is Mia's newest pose, outside or inside.
Guess she remembers some of the yoga I did when she was still in the womb!

Showing the street how to do it

Mommy & Daughter Yoga.  I wanted to get in on the action too!

Who's in charge around here?

After months of having fun with Mia, just doing our daily "day-to-day" with little to no consequence, life throws a curveball at us.  Or maybe we've been well overdue.  I mean, after a string of a few solid months when people ask you, "How are you? How's life?" and you genuinely can say, "Great!" without adding qualifiers in your head ("Well, it'd be MORE wonderful if ____..."), maybe our time for real nonsense had arrived.

Maybe it is time for the terrible twos.

Mia is less than a month away from entering the age of two, technically, but behaviorally she's been there for the past month or so.  Greg and I are starting to feel like everybody's out of sync, out of control and we need some firm footing again.

So, back to the drawing board where decisions will be made, a few choices eliminated, and this chiquita bambina is going to relearn who's the boss.  Not her...ME.  Not her...Daddy.
I'm all about "empowering" kids to know what they're capable of doing, but I'm not all about entitling kids to feel like anything's free game.  So, while my actions may not have been clear to Mia in the past about communicating this ideal, it's about to change.

Wish us luck and send up a prayer or share a word of encouragement with us.  We're total n00bs and humbly admit we need the most guidance here.

And to total newbies: Don't worry...it's not always like this, and every kid is different, and you can learn from our mistakes!  That's part of the point of this blog...to share ideas!

Scaring the living daylights out of friends sans children

Of course I am perfectly well-behaved ALL the time.
Of course I am!

I was at a bless-ed baby shower the other night, which for me, unless I am hosting, is like the biggest girl gab fest I can sometimes find, and I love it.  I used to not be crazy about [baby/wedding] showers. What's the big deal about a mixer, you ask?  Or, how many bibs can a little bub have?  (Not too many, I tell you, not too many.)

But now I look at them as an excellent way to get a collective mass of fun-loving, heart-throbbing people (mostly women) together to discuss the "hilarities" of life, including the good and the bad.

I was part of one such conversation Sunday night, which upon reflection, and confirmation from these gal-pals, slightly scared them from EVER wanting to have children.

What is it about moms that makes them discuss perhaps the most non-flattering aspects of parenthood?  Do we just love to torture others?  Are we sharing battle wounds?  Looking for commiseration?  

Indeed I think it is multi-faceted.

I will confess there is some enjoyment in seeing the shock on others' faces and their jaw drops because they cannot believe you just said [that].  I would give you a real example but I know I have some more prim & proper readers on this blog and don't want to make even them aghast.

There is also enjoyment in explaining to others: "This is how it really goes down."  People will tell you all aspects of motherhood are glorious and while the good most definitely outweigh the bad, there are a few parts of being a mom that are not glamorous.  Privacy, diaper poop, pumps, I mean...let's face it.  Little people are little people, still learning the ropes and don't know that generally speaking, most adults like to close the bathroom door when they need to go.

But most of all, I think there is enjoyment in relating to other women & moms that what happened to me is also happening to you...and vice versa.  There's a sense of normalcy at that point that I'm not totally absurd and my house isn't running perfectly 24/7 and nor is yours...and we're okay.

This perplexed me quite a bit pre-Mia.  I heard awful stories about crazy, ill-behaved children, sleepless nights, never going out with your spouse, and then what felt like in the same breath, a person exclaiming "I LOVE my children! I can't imagine life without them!  I love being a mommy!!!!!!!"  (With probably at least that many exclamation points.)  

I thought, okay, either you're LYING, or there's something I'm seriously missing here.

Until I had Mia.  I got it.  There are minutes, hours or days where the role of motherhood is challenging, daunting, gross, irritating, awful, despicable, unflattering, lonely, grueling.  It's true.  Just like pretty much any other job.  There are days you love it, and days you hate it.  And sometimes it takes a while to get used to it.

BUT.  And this is a BIG but.  And not a butt.  To be a mom, to have your own little munchkin(s), to be building something greater than yourself, with your best friend (who also drives you bonkers sometimes as you do to him -- let's face it, marriage ain't always a cake walk either, is it?), is one of the coolest jobs in the world.  

I told my friends, after I realized I probably scarred them for life with my "horror" stories (which are not funny as they are occurring, but are much funnier weeks & months later), that being a mom has helped me be more balanced, content, secure, and even chilled out in some ways.  Cause we all know, I was all over the place beforehand; at least I felt like I was!

So do not fear. You will hear unflattering stories. You will hear people proclaiming there's nothing better.  You will wonder what to believe.  Believe both, but know that you can also choose your 'tude and make it how you want to be.  And create a purpose that will drive you and keep you going.  It's not all drudgery but it ain't all tulips either.  It's life.

So go on, have a kid*. Don't be skeered!  It will change things, of that I will not lie.  But in my limited experience, it can improve things too.  

/The End.

*Of course if you cannot have children or do not want to have children, I do not intend to say that by not having children your life is incomplete.  Certainly not.  The Apostle Paul was not married nor did he have children and I would venture to say he lived a pretty full life.  I am only sharing this message for people earnestly contending with the idea of having children and am in no way trying to say to others that your life won't be grand if you don't have them.  It can be grand either way.  Again, choose your 'tude.  God bless.

Mixed Messages

I think one thing that confused me before I became a mom was hearing people say things like, "You'll love being a mom; it's the best thing ever!" and then that same person off-handedly remarking that their kids were driving them nuts.  I was very confused...are you telling me that being a mom is awesome while at the same time pulling your hair out?  It wasn't until after Mia exited the womb that I understood these so-called mixed messages.


There are various times throughout my day where Mia will come up to me and snuggle, lay her head on my lap or try to "love" on me (anytime she pats something she's "loving" it).  There is also a time during the day, usually around 3:30pm, where I try to put a sleepy Mia down for a nap, and she resists.  With full-freakish-force.  It is usually about this time I say mean mommy things in my head, like, "I hate this!" (i.e., her not sleeping, not Mia!) and, "If only she would go to sleep, my life would be complete!" Usually Greg gets an onslaught of angry text messages that detail the last 30-45 minutes of frustration.  It could be only 15 minutes later that I've changed my mind--of course after deciding trying to put Mia down for a nap was a horrible idea and vowing never to do it again--and I think Mia's the sweetest, cutest thing ever.


So why do these things happen? Why do we go from love to strong irritation in a nanosecond?  I don't know for sure why, but I would say in my case I find myself strongly irritated by a situation I feel I cannot control. (But I wouldn't label myself a "control freak.") Whereas once Mia would fall asleep just by sucking on a bottle, she's much more strong-willed now and knows there are things going on outside her room or our house that may be more interesting than slowly falling to sleep in the cozy confines of her chic PotteryBarnKids crib. How dare she not love it! :-P


Have I fallen into the group that sends mixed messages?  Ohh yeah. We're way past that.  I don't enjoy doing that, spewing forth happy happy happy! and grr grr grr! but it seems it's part of the daily grind, at least for now.  So while I work on ways to adjust my mentality during the 3 o'clock hour, consider this face I wrestle with daily.

How could you not love this??












PS: I may take my cues on how to adjust my mentality from this little girl:

Happy New Year!

2009 - What a tremendous year in our family. This has probably been the most exciting year of my life. There have been so many ups and downs (thankfully, more of the former, less of the latter) and my mind has never EVER been so inundated with new information, knowledge and experience, which will hopefully turn into wisdom some day. Earlier in the day I was reflecting on what my day-to-day was like before Mia, and it turns out, I was pretty stinkin' busy. Here's what I used to do:

For the months of January through mid-April of 2009, I:
worked 40 hrs a week as a middle school guidance counselor
was involved in 3 bible studies a week (aside from our normal church-going activities), one a Beth Moore bible study; one a study on Hebrews; and one a study on becoming parents...talk about a bit overwhelming!
went to prenatal yoga 1x a week
attended 2 massively intense childbirth class sessions
put together a nursery and got set up for a baby
redecorated the master bedroom and outfitted the guest bedroom
and took pictures of a growing belly :P

I assure you that my intent in sharing these is not to boast, but more like, what was I thinking?!? I knew when last January when I created my schedule for the rest of my prenatal life (those days were numbered), I'd be mega-busy, but I had no idea just how crazy things would get.

Fortunately, in February of 2009, Greg and I took advantage of Presidents' Day Weekend and got away to St. Augustine, FL. It was just what the doctor ordered. So many had recommended we take a final vacation as just the two of us before the baby arrived, and I'm so glad we took their advice. Even though my legs and hips hurt after walking around St. Augustine the entire weekend, it was worth it to create some final memories of just us, see someplace different, and stay in a lavish hotel. Honestly, it's probably the last time in quite some time we will ever drop that dough for such lodging. But as I say, totally worth it.







I really needed to slow down my life though, with that crazy schedule above, because when state testing took place at my job site in March, the HEAT was on. Probably literally, too. As a guidance counselor, there was a lot of pressure to make sure things were absolutely perfect. There was little room for error. This was indeed, stressful, and I believe contributed to the only pre-term hospital visit I had. At 34 weeks, I had blurry vision and extremely high blood pressure checks and went to the hospital around 11pm one Monday night. They admitted me to Labor & Delivery, monitored the baby, checked some labs, asked me about 5 billion unnecessary questions, also interrogated my choice of a birthing center, and then decided to let me go as I did not display all the qualifying symptoms for preeclampsia, thank goodness. If I had, it's possible I may have had to deliver Mia very, very early. And seeing how tiny a tot she was at her actual birth, who knows what complications she would have been riddled with so early on. So, after that, I spoke to my principal, my assistant principal, and my guidance team, and decided to slow things down. I almost considered quitting early, because there just seemed to be a LOT of stress at work. Yet, I hung on, worked a little over a month, through spring break, worked one more week after that, and called it quits (1.5 weeks before my EDD). I tried to wrap up any loose ends, make notes for my coworkers so they'd know how to handle my business, and said goodbye to my students. It was bittersweet, but I was determined to leave everything in a good spot, and with time to work on my own stuff at home.

I'm very glad I did that as well, because Mia arrived 3 days early and it was well worth it to have everything as much in place as I could have anticipated!

We had the best labor I could have imagined. Alright, I could have done without the throwing up in the early stages of labor, but the day itself was beautiful. It was sunny, breezy, very peaceful and not too hot. I labored at home and at the birth center with a sea of warm and supportive faces. Mia arrived healthily, albeit on the tiny side, and relief and awe washed over me. It was really just the beginning of a much, much more interesting journey. (Mia only a few hours old!)

------------------------------------------


Now, moving on...

If you've ever read The Twilight Saga, which I have, and feel sort of ridiculous for even acknowledging, then you'll understand how in book 2 (New Moon), how life just seems to stop for Bella after Edward leaves. The months following his departure are like a blur, and the author illustrates that by just marking a page for October, November, December, etc. That is how the months of June, July and August felt to me. The month of May was a bit more memorable as we stayed in the hospital for a week with Mia, we had many visitors at home, and then I went back to the hospital myself with that begrudged blood clot, and my mom returned for a week to help. I remember May. But, June, July, and August? Not so much! I know we celebrated Independence Day, drove to TN, bought a Honda Pilot, went to my friend Amy's wedding, and had some other friends and family in town, but that's about it. I was pretty much in the thick of newborn world. In some ways, I miss remembering just what Mia was like, being so small and so uni-dimensional, but in other ways, I don't miss it at all. It was very exhausting at times! Mentally and physically, I had read that it would/could be this way, but honestly, nothing ever prepares you for it all like the real thing.


(I look at this picture of the 3 of us and think, how was I even alive in this picture? I was exhausted...this was the first day my leg started to really hurt--first signal of the blood clot, and I was suffering from the all too common baby blues. Most definitely a pitiful attempt at a smile.)

Fast forward to now. There were also memorable events from September-December, mostly my brother's wedding and traveling up to MN, and then celebrating all the holidays with Mia. It seemed like getting to 5 or 6 months made a big difference with Mia and us. Routines started to fall into place, sleeping habits improved, and she became more independent in some ways. More infant, less newborn. More of her own person, you might say. And we really like her!

Even though some parts of the year were extremely difficult, I don't want that to tarnish one's perception of our entire experience as new parents. It weathered us, seasoned us, and forced us to grow. We are better people for it. We're not perfect, but I think we've become more compassionate, more centered, and hopefully, wiser. We're still have so much more to do and to grow, but we're getting there. As my wise younger bro once said, rehashing a quote from my own father, "We're all on the road to maturity, some just travel there more quickly."

I'm anxious to see what the year 2010 brings. In some ways, I'm very sad to see 2009 go, but in other ways, I can't wait to see what this road to maturity brings us to next!