Humbled.

Ever had one of those moments when someone is talking to you and it feels like they can see your soul??  Greg and I have joked about this phenomenon before, although in reality, when it is actually happening, it doesn't feel so light-hearted and jovial. It's a tad scary.

Today I had one such phenomenon while in church.  I won't recount all of the events, but let's just say for all the times I daydream at church (I'll be honest, it happens quite often), I'm so glad I was listening today.

Our first prayer during worship this morning was beautiful.  The prayer included some very timely thoughts about all the newborns that have been born these past few months, and the orator prayed for the babies yet to come, and for those who are parents or who would like to be parents, but haven't had the opportunity because of miscarriage or some other situation.  He asked that we never disparage parenting and the miracles with which we are entrusted.    

Needless to say, I felt convicted in light of my last post.  Sheepishly I wondered, "Did [TG] read my blog??"  As soon as he said those words I knew I needed to remember those thoughts & to never cavalierly put down those greater aspects of parenthood, motherhood, or raising children to the extent that I make it seem like, "I could do without this," or, "I think I'm good. I don't need any more help."  I still think the main ideas in the post hold true and aren't unspiritual to relay, but I didn't want to communicate it in a way that led people to believe I thought all this stuff was "below me".

I tried to connect it with a topic discussed in bible study the hour before.  The two seemingly disparate concepts of "grief in all kinds of trials" and "rejoicing" (1 Peter 1:6) seem difficult to weave together.  Joy with grief? And trials?? But one student (SLS) brilliantly shared that when we are going through trials, the neat thing we can see and rejoice about is seeing God at work during those trials and at work in YOU.  You can rejoice through the trials because you can see all the amazing things God is really actually doing.

SO, in an effort to refocus the 'tude...let me just say what I'd really like to say is: I do not intend to disparage parenting.  Some things as I've alluded to many a time feel MUCH like a trial.  I mean, let's just call it what it is: a trial.  And I hope I wasn't discouraging about it. I hope I haven't made it seem like, "Lord, I could do without these trials, or these little children who 'get in my way,'" because that's definitely not how I see it.  I will say, however, that I have seen God at work during my trials and just as I am humbled today, I was humbled then too.  I've never felt as unworthy of his grace as I have in the past 2+ years.  Why God continues to share his grace with me when I'm indifferent, apathetic or just disobedient is beyond me.  But God knows me and cares for me and that is definitely something worth rejoicing over!